Your opinion please My wife of 21 years wants to have sex with another man?

Question

My Wife is 43 and I am 44 years old we have we have been married for 20 years and consider ourselves fairly happily married. I am currently on military operations with the Australian army but when I was at home on leave recently we got to talking and she told me that she would like to have sex with another man before she gets too old as she has never experienced anybody but me. She asked me whether I had ever felt the same way and I replied that I had on numerous occasions but have never acted on it and not sure if I ever could, she replied that if It was with the right person I would - I guess I can't really argue there. My wife is a very attractive woman and has no problem attracting attention from younger men. I am left wondering whether she has somebody in mind although she says she hasn't or is she actually having an affair. Our children have both grown up and left home recently so she has developed a fair bit of independence while I have been away. Where do I go from here??

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Wow, the statement that she would like to is troubling in itself, and her reasoning is lousy. It sounds to me like she is looking for justification on something that has already occured seeing as she asked what you would do then flat out said you would sleep with another woman. Those are not statements of a curious person. Those are statements from a guilty person. If she has asked the question she already has a pony picked from the stable and she very well may be riding that pony. I would get to the bottom of it and then go with what you think is right. Either way the truth will come out.

Answer 2

Kick the biotch out and kick her hard too!

Answer 3

say no..

Answer 4

You throw the ball back in her court and say 'Well while we're there, why not get another WOMAN involved too'?

See how she squirms at the thought.

Should either set things right, or on the otherhand you may find youself in the midst of a new s e x life.

Gl either way.

Answer 5

if u are to agree with it,no prob,u 2 should also ve 1 4 urself

Answer 6

You should keep an eye on her, if she starts acting suspicious, hire one of those private relationship spies.

Answer 7

get into couple's therapy. determine what the real issues are. perhaps there is just an underlying fear of being abandoned.

There is no need for one to act on every random impulse that enters the brain. Acting on this one is quite likely to end your relationship.

Answer 8

woooooooooow ease up buddy

itll only lead to trouble and heartache

Answer 9

You need to work out what is important to you and think about what your wife is telling you.

Perhaps your wife is looking to get into swinging. Perhaps the safest way to progress in this situation would be to find another suitable couple to share experiences with?

Answer 10

Okay well it really depends on how horny you are, seriously if you have an exciting sex life then why not try a threesome or foursome it could be fun! you only live once just make sure you find the right couple to do it with clean etc! Cheers hope it helps

Answer 11

hmmm, you're gone. She's home alone. The kids are grown and gone. She's questioning her self worth if her attention was always surrounding the kids. You two are going to some very dangerous territory. I have been married for 20 years and never wanted to have sex with another man. Except when I wasn't happy in my marriage... even then, we chose counseling, not the arms of another... good luck.

Answer 12

Maybe your wife has already had sex with another man and just wants your opinion on the subject. You say you have been deployed and away from home. If she wants to have sex with another man, just make sure you are there with her in same room just in case she wants him to stop and won't.

Answer 13

Not much you "can" do to stop it ... at least she is honest, and you should try and respect that (as difficult as that may seem). No easy or simple answer because she has not crossed the line.

She certainly respects you enough to tell you what she is feeling and thinking about. I am certainly NOT saying to allow this ... "this is between you and your wife".

All the best.

Answer 14

first one--then two -how bout him? if she does get some who loves you , sounds like she already did

Source(s):

you dont need a tramp

Answer 15

These are really questions you should ask your wife.. you two need to have a serious conversation where you explore the questions you have.. In reality, when someone has been married that long and only been with one person, I'm sure there are times when they wonder what's out there.. it'd be like never leaving your childhood home.. you'd just wonder what else was out there in the world, and perhaps at times fantasize about it... But, you need to talk to your wife and see if its more than just curiosity or fantasy... If she actually wants to follow through on this thought or her answers to your questions suggest that she already has.. then you really need to think about how you feel about it... I would think the relationship would be over, if it was me..(if she had acted on it or seriously wanted to) but, you sound in your post like you are considering it.. and understand her position as you sound as though you have thought of it too... Wondering or fantasizing about what else is out there is one thing.. but acting on it is another...

Answer 16

Only if your willing to accept that this might lead to the end of your 21 year marriage.

Answer 17

You clearly have a very good relationshiop with your wife.
One that has endured distance and the worries of having a husband doing a dangerous job.

I think you need to maintain your honesty. She has opened a door and you, if you want to (and I feel that you do) need to close it.

Tell her that you really can't stop her, but that you really would love her to honour her vows, you and your love...

I am amazed that you have such a relationship that you can talk about this rationally. Most would have just acted on their impulses so you are fortunate in that case.

See if you can work out what she is looking for.What she hopes to gain from a sexual adventure and whether she is willing to put what you have on the line for a taste of the "not so green grass" on the other side.

The fact that you are talking about it is a credit to you both. Work through it.

Thanks for all that you do for our country.

I hope it works out for you.

Answer 18

Wow that sucks, you can not agree with this, as it would imply you dont care, and I dont belive you can know for sure if she has or what but if she does its not right. You should not let her think there is any one out there that would be the right girl to have an afair with you. You can argue that point and should cause you dont believe you could follow through, its obious from your statement and your search for advice.Best of luck to you.

Answer 19

i think her curiosity is common from someone that has only been with one person. they are naturally curious about others. i guess i wouldnt jump to the conclusion she is having an affair, because she was honest enough to talk with you. people having affairs dont do that. the last thing they want is to plant any ideas in your head. that said, whether you act on it and how is based on how you feel, and what you two can work out. it is risky at best in my opinion. once you open you mind up to other possibilities it makes the routine of monogomy harder to live. i wouldnt include any outsiders, but that in the end would be between you and your wife.

Answer 20

I dont think any good can come her doing this.It will be trouble down the road.

Answer 21

dont do anything that youll regret. It doesnt sound good that she wants someone else. She should only be with you. Maybe you are in a rut so try to do stuff that you did when you first met and just do exciting n new things together. Good luck with everything.

Answer 22

I guess you realize that whether you are there or not there or hold on tight, there is no fence high enough to keep someone in if they are determined to go. You sound like her best friend--like someone she wanted to talk this out with. I would discuss with her the "then what" part. I doubt your marriage would survive it. I think she would find that sex is just sex when it isn't with intimacy and love and regret it dearly. BUT you can continue the discussion with her, more listening than advising or threatening. She makes a valid point. She loves you--she is just curious. Tell her that she can leave you tomorrow and go onto wherever she wishes, but that you would not be cool with her experimenting with your heart on the line in the marriage. It is really up to her and there isn't diddly you can control or do about it. It is great that she is learning who she is, but I would advise her to look to other areas than sex to do so. How scary for you. Since she is being open with her feelings, I very much doubt anything has happened yet. She is just playing, "I wonder" and nothing more. Ask her if she plans to act on this and tell her it would tear you apart and mean the end of your relationship as you know it. Be honest.

Consider adding some dating and romance back into the marriage--some spontaneous activities, some things maybe you haven't shown her yet or things you haven't done together. Jump in, step up and wow your wife.

Answer 23

Well first off give your wife credit for coming to you.. I'm sure this wasn't easy considering how she thought you might react.. Secondly you have to decide if you can be comfortable with this.. If the answer is yes then ask her if she had someone in mind.. Might be better to do an individual you dont see on a daily basis.. My wife and i swing so i can give you an objective opinion. If your not comfortable you need to let your wife know this could ruin your marriage. But like i said be happy she could have gone behind your back with it.. If you would like to talk more email me...

Answer 24

You have the reached the point of "mid-life crisis." Everyone reaches it at some point in their lives. Some at 20, some at 30, some at 43.
Same here. My wife, at 45 (and the last kid went off to school) demanded that we move to Florida to live on the water. I said - "No". Both our families are here, kids, grandkids, business, friends .............life!
She told me that if we didn't move she would seek a divorce. She did and we are now divorced. She left for parts unknown and I haven't seen her in over a year.
Understand that we all reach this point in our lives - we see our mortality and want to know what we "could be" or could have been.
Understand that your wife has reached that point that she sees herself getting old, possibly unattractive, and would like to know what the other side of the fence is like.
She needs you to TELL HER that she is still "the beauty". Having sex with other people outside the marriage covenant would be fun - and then you'll pay the price.
Don't go there.

Answer 25

wow! i feel for you man.Your wife wants to know what Sleeping with another man would be like? wat happened to the wedding vows? is she aware the out come could be Disastrous? wat if she gets infected with the HIV Virus? wat if she doesn't enjoy it with him? will she then come back running to you & expect you to open your hands for her? NO! tell her to file for Divorce if she's thinking of ever doing that.That is just too Immoral.She Does Not Love you anymore.But then Again,she has her needs.Try to find a way to be with her most of the time.Re-Locate or something but please,whatever you do Hurry! you will lose her.

Answer 26

maybe she is just lonely and wants to spend more time with you or maybe your not getting into the love making perse.. maybe what you give isn't enough and that she thinks that way.. she wouldn't think that way if she is satisfied and contented.. do you experienced other girls than her? if yes, maybe she thinks it's not fair?

Answer 27

thats a stupid childish fantasy for a woman her age, am sure she have done some nasty stuff behind you.

Answer 28

well at least she asked you, i wouldn't be able to ask my husband anything like that. i think you should both do it join a swinger club or something.

Answer 29

That's a hell of a thought. I wonder what I would have said had my wife ever told me she wanted to do that.
My opinion is though, that she wants you to tell her, no, in no uncertain terms. She just may not know exactly how you feel about her. Or she may want to know you are man enough to let her know that that is not an option. If she wants another man, tell her you will give her a divorce so she can have all the men she wants. But not as long as she is your wife.
I see no other reason for her to even speak to you about it.

Most people, whether in a marriage or with a significant other, think about having sex with other partners, some do,
some don't. But few would ask their partner for permission.
It is possible that just asking you aids arousal for her. It is also quite possible that she NEEDs you to let her know that you will not stand for her having another sexual partner.

Answer 30

If you decied to do anything, do it TOGETHER. Anyone doing something alone is asking for trouble. If you are into her suggestion, start talking to some swinging couples ( numerous sites). They can talk about experiences they had. You can then choose what you want to do.
If you're not into it, just say so and she should respect that. She just asked you about it. They shows the repect to you.

If you decide to go for it there is no harm. You're both concenting adults and it's not like drugs that you get permenantly adicted. Be sure to make clear agreement that if anyone feels uncomfortable you both quit and that everything happens as a couple. It may be very arrousing having your wife pick out a girl for you, you picking out a stud for her or you both go hunting for fresh meat.

Don't panic and run away. Stay talk and show your feelilngs.

All the best and happy hunting ;-))

Answer 31

Can you live with it?