Married, Had a Threesome Now.. having 2nd thoughts? Advice?

Question

My husband and I agreed to have a threesome with my ex ( female) , yes i am bi. Before this took place she stated that if we got involved sexually feelings would grow or come about. Well I didnt think so , but they did. Now I am having second thoughts, I want to get back with her. I dont know..what to do .. its crazy..

Advice.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

i think that you are missing certain aspects of your ex, not the relationship itself. let it go.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

So true, I miss certain things about her. I will end all contact and focus on my marriage. I love my husband, thanks for the advice. Many great answers but this one was straight to the point. Thanks a bunch!!

Answer 2

When we make sexual contact with others, our body releases a hormone oxytocin which basically makes us feel closer to a person.

There's a reason she's your ex. Give your husband the shot he deserves, you did commit your life to him afterall.

Answer 3

you should have never ever done that in the first place its up there with money on killing relationships, talk to hubby about it and figure out what you want to do. Does he know you feeel that way what about the ex? she might now want you back.. never know...

Answer 4

danger. dont do it again unless you want a divorce. this just dosent work unless the third person *magically* dissappears.

Answer 5

YOU ARE MARRIED! You took a vow. If you just throw it away, well then you are dumb and your husband deserves better and you deserve all the crap that goes along with divorce.

Answer 6

you have to deal with your own demons.

Lesson #1 don't have a figgin threesome when you are married.

Lesson #2 refer to lesson #1.

Seriously. Why the F did you get married if you "are bi" don't you mean you "were bi?" Re-evaluate yourself and your needs. Maybe it is time for a divorce or a discussion about an open marriage.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

well first of all you guys never should have done this to start with and he was right.

What you do is forget about this you focus on your marriage and you don't do the 3some thing again. It's Caused enough damage

Answer 8

This is why you shouldn't do things with both. It can drive you crazy. If you want to get back with her and she has the same feelings then go for it. You can't stop love.

Answer 9

You played with fire!!!

Answer 10

You could continue to have threesomes, or you could try to suppress your feelings until they subside. You are probably feeling a bit of guilt and the feeling s will pass.

Answer 11

Who knows, maybe the three of you could just have a three-way marriage thing going on?? You and her, him and her, him and you, or y'all share a California King bed. All of the possibilities!

Answer 12

YES, they are ex's for a reason. I dont think you can really have sex with somebody without getting emotions involved.

Answer 13

The only thing I can really suggest is to think your thoughts a feelings completely through.

Ending a marriage is a very big decision to make. You don't want to make it half hearted. Think things through about who would make you happier in life.

Don't make a decision until you are confident on your choice. Perhaps making a list of things you like in both partners and where you could see which relationship going. Then figure out which partner best fits what you want in life.

Best of luck.

Answer 14

have another threesome. or offer to let your hubby watch as you have fun with your new girl. but dont do it behind his back

Answer 15

I don't understand &%%&&^7*990&^45657

Answer 16

....... you should have never got married bc you obviously dont know what it means

But let me give you a hint: Dont have sex with someone other then your husband, and dont allow him to do it either!

Idiot!

Answer 17

Well what you should do is feel stupid! What did u think was going to happen? See, this is what you get for swinging like this, may God have pitty on your soul!!!

Answer 18

Married!!! whats done is done but remember she is your ex for reason and if sex out weighed that reason then u guys will stille be together

Answer 19

if kyou are changing the rules then be honest with all parties involved. The guy must know. If it cool with him then rock on. If it makes him mad then confront it with honest talk. If ou hide things you will be sorry.

Answer 20

That's why this sort of thing is a bad idea...

You sound confused. You don't sound like you know what you want.

Go get counseling or talk to a good friend. You can't work this out on Yahoo Answers. You need some in depth conversation and counseling would be the best.

Answer 21

I have a friend who has an open marriage and his wife gets to sleep around. They have talked about a threesome and still talk about it. They feel comfortable with it. If there was any doubt on any of the parties then you should not have gone through with it. Or at least pick up some woman that you did not know. You must make that choice now. Remember, they are called ex for a reason.

Answer 22

Nasty!!!

Answer 23

Fcuk man..!!!!... are you lost your mind ?? If it still gonna happen, why were you decide to get married ??... Locco !!

Answer 24

When you invite a third person into the bedroom or into your life something was missing so ask yourself what is missing in your marraige.............

Answer 25

dump both of them
take a vacation
see a shrink!
and don't do that again!

(And Keep Reading This Over and Over and Over till you get it Right)

Answer 26

Well what is wrong with a poly relationship? Is that something that you and your husband can deal with. To get a feel for the possibilities check out the sources. These people have a positive out look on issues like this.

Source(s):

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Christianb…
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristProE…

Answer 27

First of all, she said what she did to influence your thoughts, and second, you're just missing certain aspects of the past relationship you had with her, all of which is resulting in a false sense of closeness. Let it go.

Answer 28

Well, you have feelings for your husband, and you have feelings for your ex-girlfriend. Why can't you have feelings for both? Why does it have to be one or the other?

The common idea of love is that it's a finite resource, that you only have so much to go around so you have to chose one person or the other. It's the feast-or-famine or all-or-nothing idea of loving.

Well, we know that's not true. We don't apply that kind of thinking to our kids our our family. Why do we apply it to our mates?

The fact is, you love your husband and you love your ex-girlfriend. You love them the same but for different reasons because they aren't the same person. Just like you love all your children the same but differently because they are different people (if you have kids you'll know what I'm talking about). Just because you love both doesn't mean each gets half your love. It means they both get 100% of your love. Again, love is not a finite resource unless we chose to make it that way. Unfortunately when it comes to significant others we've been conditioned by our society that it is a all-or-nothing emotion and therefore we conciously get greedy and stingy with it, which leads to insecurity, jealousy and resentment in our relationships.

Both your husband and your ex-girlfriend represent different things to you that help complete who you are. They are both pieces in the puzzle that is you. For you, without both you aren't a complete you. So why chose one or the other.

If you want to keep both of them in your life talk to them about this kind of an arrangement. It's called "polyamory", the situation of having more than one meaningful relationship at one time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Who knows, they may be open to it. I mean, why wouldn't both of them want you to be happy? If they don't they're being selfish and only care about their happiness. If your ex-girlfriend wanted you to leave your husband for her because she doesn't want to share you, than she really doesn't care about you and what's good for you, she cares more about herself what's good for her.

Same goes for your husband.

Take some time and learn about polyamory. Have your husband and your ex-girlfriend do the same. It may be exactly what you are looking for in your life to feel happy and fulfilled. Because love + love = more love,

Source(s):

Have you considered a non-monogamy http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Poly/…
Polyamory FAQ http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
Love that works http://www.lovethatworks.org/
Polyamory, what it is and what it isn't. http://www.ejhs.org/volume6/polyamory.ht…