Is it rude to have my guest pay for there own dinner?

Question

I am having a VERY small, private wedding on the beach. Followed by dinner at a great seafood resturant on the marsh. Its all very low key.... and we are on a seriouse BUDGET! I've had people say its rude & cheep to ask my guest to pay... and I've had people tell me its accepted. HELP???

Additional Details

geeeez. What a response. We're perfectly capable to pay for there meal...
Everyone gets so bent outta shape about a huge wedding. Spending so much money for one day. I've been to a wedding dinner, at a yacht club, where I was required to pay for my dinner...& was not offended
at all.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

If you are inviting them as guests, then it is rude to expect them to pay for their own meals. However, you can avoid this situation with a simple re-wording of invitations. Simply say something like, "Following the wedding, the bride and groom will be celebrating their first meal as husband and wife at (X Restauraunt). They welcome anyone who wishes to join them for a dutch treat dinner." That way, you have not specifically "invited guests," but rather let your wedding guests know that they are invited to accompany you at a table at your dinner. Or, if you've planned for this to be more of a reception atmosphere, and if you'll have a wedding cake, you can word it as such: "The couple will be holding a cake-cutting ceremony at (X Restauraunt) following the wedding. Cake (and possibly punch, or something similar, if possible to arrange, because you should provide a beverage option if possible) will be provided, meals begin at $(menu prices)." The etiquitte in these situations lies entirely in the asking.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thank You. For the explination... and for not calling me cheep. This was never my decision, but one that was approched to me by my fiance's family. I think they were just trying to help us...

Answer 2

it is considered very rude!! If you can't afford it, some people choose to have a cook out/barbecue....or some other cheaper idea....but you should pay for their food at the reception if you invited them.

Answer 3

Etiquette demands that you foot the bill.
But at the same time, etiquette-wise, getting married is not an obligation to spend lots of money you don't have.

Etiquette is a luxury which you adhere to when you can afford it.
Find some way of saying to your guests: 'we don't have the money to pay for your dinner but it would mean so much to us if you were there'.

Answer 4

I think its it rude, you might be putting people under pressure if they are on a budget too, rethink this, have just family for meal and invite friends for celebratory drink after!

Answer 5

Personally if I was asked to pay for my dinner I would be pretty shocked...

I think it's rude - surely there must be someway to be able to afford a decent meal ?

Answer 6

it is accepted but still considered rude by a lot of people--I heard it on Today show a few months back--if guests know your limited cash flow in a short note tell them situation and if they are not going to stay for small pay your own way reception party please let you know--or have a pot-luck reception party--nothing fancy of course, just pot luck and arrange from there---or you can say due to budget no reception will follow but guests are welcome to drop by (provided home) and congratulate the couple.

Answer 7

Well if you're "inviting" some guests to eat (especially at a wedding) they are expecting for the people inviting to pay for the food. But I guess it depends on the situation.

Answer 8

usually guest at your wedding should not have to pay for dinner. The bride and groom homer their guests by catering food and drinks. Its ok for your guests to pay for drinks but you need to handle the food.

Answer 9

sorry, but it is rude.

Answer 10

do not under any circumstances ask your guests to pay. that's why they are called a "guest". if there is no way you can afford to pay for their meals, advise them that they will be required to pay in the invitation and ask them not to give you any gifts. i would not expect too many RSVPs however.

Answer 11

I would gladly pay for my own dinner if that helped someone's budget! I think weddings have gotten seriously expensive and lost all meaning of what it's all about. With a small gathering, you know you'll only have very close loved ones who want to share in your very special time, so there won't be any complaints if they purchase their own meal. It's the ceremony they want to be part of, so please-stay within your budget, your loved ones wont mind a bit! Congratulations and best wishes for your future, your starting off smart!!!

Answer 12

Sorry but that's the height of rudeness! I know you're on a very tight budget but if its that tight i'd have waited until i could accommodate ALL my guests. I don't mean to sound harsh but if you go ahead and charge them then i think your wedding is going to be the talk of the town, for many years, for the wrong reasons!!! Can you not come to some arrangement with the restaurant whereby they will organise a big barbecue - that way everyone of your guests will be seated in the same sort of area, with of course you, your new hubby and imediate family on the 'top table' and you'll be eating the same things? think about how you would feel, if you were invited to a family member or close friends wedding and was asked to pay for own dinner? Its inherently wrong! Try and sort something out if you can, its not nice to think of your special day being ruined by gossip afterwards. Best of luck to you and your future husband, and congratulations.

Answer 13

The key is not to make it an inclusion to your wedding. Just tell your wedding guests, that you and your new husband are going to have dinner at * and they are more than welcome to join you if they can afford it.

Answer 14

That is very rude...

Answer 15

it is definitely rude! you invited them. plus if it's a wedding all of your guests will be bringing presents for you. you can't expect them to pay for their own meal.

if you can't afford it, you should try something a little cheaper. do a barbecue or a buffet. you would probably save even more money if you made all the food yourself...or have relatives help instead of having it catered.

Answer 16

It depends on the wedding and where you live. For example, here in Australia that would be acceptable, but I think it might be different in the U.S. After planning my own wedding and blowing the budget, if someone invited me to their wedding and asked that we pay, I wouldn't be offended, as long as it wasn't ridiculously expensive.

Answer 17

The term etiquette clearly determines the word guest to denote GUEST and as a guest, the HOSTS are required to pay. If you can't afford it, have the dinner at a cheaper restaurant. It is your decision to choose an expensive restaurant but it should not be up to your guests to pay for their own meals because you are on a serious budget. Factor your budget into your plans. I find it odd that people on a serious budget would choose an expensive restaurant that is clearly NOT within their means as a place to go to dinner, wedding or no. So NO it is NOT acceptable.

Answer 18

It's quite rude, you'd be better off serving light refreshments instead of a full meal.

Hors d'œuvres with tea, coffee and sparkling cider followed by petite fours or sliced cake will be much more appreciated than being invited for a full meal on their own dime.

Answer 19

It's definitely rude. Basically what you want to do is "host" this nice party at a fancy restaurant, without paying for it. That's not hosting at all, and you're not being considerate of your guests. They want to spend time with you and celebrate your happy day, but maybe THEY are on a tight budget too!

Go to the restaurant with your husband some other time. But choose a less expensive option for your wedding reception, something where you can afford to pay for the meal. That might also mean you can't invite everyone you want to, but that's what it is to live within your means.

Answer 20

If you can't afford it, don't have any guests. That's the golden rule.

Answer 21

yes it is very rude

you are inviting ppl to the wedding but they have to pay for their own dinner?

you shud be asham,ed of yourself

Answer 22

Ask if people would like to give you money to cover the cost of the wedding instead useless wedding gifts.

Answer 23

It would be rude to ask your guests to pay, particularly if it's an expensive restaurant. If you are on that tight a budget, consider doing your wedding earlier in the day, maybe just after lunch, that way, all you need at the reception is snacky stuff.