I am not really upset but a little bit and at the same time feel concerned for my long-term friend. She is my best friend and we have known each other since she was 7 and I was 9 years old.
She has a lot of health problems and she is also a person who lets her younger sister always take advantage of her, because she simply cannot ever be assertive and simply say ''No'' once in a while, so her sisters always expect her to do things for them and they would do nothing in return for her, but she is a ''yes' sayer and if one says ''yes'' to everything then one will get taken advantage of.
I like to be kind and helpful to others as well but if it's too much for me, I say.''Sorry, but the answer is no'' and after a while people get the drift and will ask first and not demand things from me. I am polite but assert myself and she doesn't.
I have to explain that I have been friends with her for 40 years this summer..I am 49 and she will be 48 in autumn...so this is a long enduring and long lasting friendship and we spent a lot of our childhood together, I got married at age 25, she was my maid of honor at my wedding but she herself did not get married, instead she took care of her ailing mother who suffered from depression and physical health problems. This took a toll on my friend's health and her physical health started to deteriorate and her siblings of which she has 4 haven't helped at all, with the exception of one of them sometimes.
My having married did not harm our friendship. I then moved from my country of origin to the Netherlands with my husband and that did not come between us. This friendship has endured the test of time and there is no distance too far between friends, because friendship gives wings to the heart and as long as one feels a connection then friends don't have to be together often as long as one feels connected and we have phoned each other.
My friend visited us there also...then in 2000 we moved to another continent.,to Canada from Central Europe and my friend visited once. Now she because of her health issues she is on on a ''pension'' at age 47 but the doctors tell her that she is able to work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. She doesn't have to pay rent but because of her reduced means she no longer has a phone installed in her home and uses a cell phone only, so i can no longer phone her. I cannot get in touch via email because she has no internet and she does not understand to use it.
We were best friends but she was also like the sister I never had and every fortnight Sunday, she went to my parents who live just 2 streets from her, and that is were I grew up with her...Whenever she was there on Sundays i could talk to my friend Marina, no she has not shown up for the past 6 or 7 weeks and I am wondering if I should get concerned about her, she has a lot of health issues but she had them before and still visited my parents...and I write letters to her when I can but I understand she also takes care of her youngest sisters 3 year old daughter and she cleans her youngest sisters house and cooks there...because they expect it of her and as I mentioned before, she does it...because her sister is trying to go back to school and train to become an office clerk.
I just wonder can 3000 miles eventually catch up with a friendship even if it has a solid foundation and she may think that I don't visit my home country a lot...so could she just not care anymore or might she be ill.
If i had the means I would try to support her, but I have financial problems and we have a house and a mortgage here in Canada so I can't help her financially and I don't suppose she expects that.
Maybe this is just normal in a friendship at any age, as kids we ran the gamut from fighting with each other, to ignoring each other, to being friends...maybe the same happens to adults.
I just wonder what I should write to her. I told her it's ok if she is busy and that it's normal and understandable that she has friends there at home...and I don't feel envious of that...but I just want to know why I have not heard for her for almost 2 months now and i am worried and a little tiny bit ticked off by it..because i wonder if she does not value the friendship anymore all of a sudden due to the distance and the changes in her circumstances where I can't even phone her as she has no normal phone any longer...and she might have a lot of doctor's visits or do a lot for her sister and spend almost all of her time being substitute mom to her little niece instead of thinking of her own needs first for once...? x
thanks for your input !