Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Why does it always fall to the wife to spice up a boring marital sex life??? Or is it just me?

How come whenever sex frequency slows to a crawl, it's seems to be the woman's job to fix it. She's supposed to dress up for him, work harder at being attractive, etc. It's pretty standard advice. Here's an idea: I'd love to see my husband have to work to turn ME on! I'd like to be pursued and seduced occasionally! Maybe he should wear the high heels and lingerie for awhile. But I'm not bitter... Seriously, WHAT do you husbands think you're supposed to do to maintain a good, frequent, healthy sex life in a marriage? What is your responsibility in that area?

Update:

Uh..."tears"... if you're not going to bother reading the whole question, why did you answer? And, I'm not about to do something childish like leave my husband and three kids just so I can play some sort of mind game. Geez.

Update 2:

"~me~", you've described him perfectly:

"He might be afraid that you won't like what he does or says, and if he feels pressured he'll just get more afraid."

Even after 13 years of marriage, he's still sort of inhibited. :(

"tictacs", really good answer. I love that question you came up with to turn the responsibility over to him!

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I know how you feel..

    They have just as much responsiblity as we do to get things going..

    I think you should just come out and ask, but while getting there, whisper in his ear, "so what you you gonna do to turn me on?"

    Worked for me, he got the hint after a could of times.

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  • 4 years ago

    You are right to be worried. Overweight is a major turnoff for men, except for those few that actually like large women. Although you say you gained weight because a medical condition, there are always ways to keep the pounds off. Check out the foodlovers diet... look it up in the internet and see if this is something that may help you lose those extra pounds you are carrying. But that is not the only thing here though... the fact that the two of you have had no other sexual encounters gives you the ability to be creative of a 10 year old girl. I am not saying for you to go out and have extramarital affairs but do keep your minds open to exploring areas or things that may be uncomfortable at first but will enjoy much more later. I had a similar problem with my wife of 27 years at first.. she was not open to anything other than the ordinary until we were falling apart. When she decided to give it a try our entire existence turned around and now we have the best sex ever... I do not want to brag for a 50 year old couple we have sex at least 3 to 4 times a week and it is not just sex... they are amazing sessions about 80% of the time. I hope I can help you with my rambling.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Tell your husband that! You might be surprised at how he would react to you telling him

    "I'd love to see [you] have to work to turn ME on! I'd like to be pursued and seduced occasionally! Maybe [you] should wear the high heels and lingerie for awhile."

    You could probably actually wind him up with such talk, and cause him to actually do something about it! If he is very reserved in that area though, you need to give him time. He may just feel very uncomfortable with taking the lead, rather than just being lazy and/or selfish. He might be afraid that you won't like what he does or says, and if he feels pressured he'll just get more afraid. If you think he might fit in this category rather than the selfish category, try complimenting him a lot, tell him "i love it when you... why don't you try..." rather than "why don't you ever...?!!!". If he feels relaxed about it he might be open to new ideas.

    Good luck! :D

    (ps. in the meantime, get a vibrator :p)

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is not your responsability to spice up your love life, it just usually happens that we are the ones who are aware enough to know there is a need and a desire to spice it up. Try telling your husband that you are getting bored and feel like you are doing all the work and and not enjoying your sex life. Or drop hints like a big fat book on pursuing your wife in his lap. Sometimes the guys just need a thunk on the thick skull to realize something is wrong and THEY need to do something about it instead of you being the fix everything person again.

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  • 1 decade ago

    listen i didn't read the hall thing

    don't joke on mt spelling

    and now ur question ,u need a break both of u so u miss each other again ,go to ur family or leave the house (special if u have kids )let him miss u and u too let him know how important u r on his life leave him the kids for a while and u will see amazing results

    email me if u like this idea

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  • 1 decade ago

    It ain't you, my husband expects me to cook, take out the trash, wash his drawers, not miss a day from work, and have the p*ssy clean and prepped for ramming!

    Now who should complain?

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  • 1 decade ago

    maybe consider asking him to do the spicing up

    sometimes they do sometimes they dont and if he loves you it wont matter all this

    looks like there is an underlying problem here please try and talk to him that u are tired of all this stuff

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's just you

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  • 1 decade ago

    You made me think. Are we men that stupid???

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