Every time I see my Mom a powerful memory is created. Unfortunately it is usually powerfully sad. But the only thing worse would be not being able to see her at all. That is probably very selfish on my part, but I don't want her to die. But she probably does not feel that way. The fact is, I don't know how she feels, or if she feels anything at all anymore. She has Alzheimer's disease.
I hate to say this, but anyone who has experienced this for as long as we have will understand: In many ways, I feel like my mother has died. I mean, if you lose your memories, your personality, and your self awareness, isn't that a huge part of who you are? I don't know. Until about 5 years ago, my mother was an extremely kind and generous woman who was very involved with the community and her church. She did lots of volunteer work and loved EVERYONE.
Today, I met my sister at the nursing home. We fed Mom some strawberry shortcake and chocolate. Eating is the only thing she enjoys now. I like to think she enjoys seeing us when we visit, but in actuality, she doesn't really know what is happening. She doesn't know me, but occasionally she will hold my hand and say that she does. That's a good day for me.