Funniest Joke you've ever heard?

Whats the funniest joke you've ever heard? Dirty Jokes also accepted!!! tehe

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer


    \thats funny

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  • 1 decade ago

    There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

    The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

    A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

    The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

    The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

    With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

    There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

    He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

    The magician chased the bird away.

    The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

    The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

    The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

    They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''

    there were 3 nuns in their room and the 1st nun said

    " i found a dirty magazine in the fathers room! "

    and the 2nd nun said

    " what did you do with it?" and the 1st nun said

    " i threw it away" then the 2nd nun said

    "i found a box of condoms!" and the 1st nun said

    " what did yo do with them?" and the 1st nun said

    " i poked holes is all of them" and the 3rd nun fainded

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  • 1 decade ago

    Two men are sitting at a bar. After having quite a few drinks, one of them says to the other, "See that building across the street. I built it, and I designed it, so that if you were to jump off the top of the building, a force would bring you back to the top in the last second." The second man says that's impossible. Man number one then bets the second man $100 that he could do it.

    The two men go up to the top of the building, and the first man jumps, true to his word he comes back to the top at the last second. The second man says wow I gotta try this. He jumps and hits the pavement.

    Ten minutes later the first man is back in the bar, and the bartender says "You can be such a jerk when you've been drinking Superman."

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    theres 3 guys who all lost their d*** in the world war 2 so they go to a body replacement store

    a guy goes to the cashier and asks for 1 and the cashier says he has a choice of 3

    there a wodden one,metal one,and a mile long one

    and he gets the first one he says which is wooden

    a week later he goes back and complains and say that he has splinters

    the 2nd guy goes to the cashier and also asks for one

    and the cashier says he has a selestion of the 2 that are left

    and he gets the metal one

    a week later he complains about rust

    and finally the 3rd guy comes and asks and gets the last one

    a week later he comes yelling

    I love this!

    see that girl over there

    bam I got her!

    since it was a mile long

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok sorry if this affoned you cuze its a blonde joke ok here it is

    ok theres a blonde a brunnette a movie star the poilt and the pope

    the plane is going down fast so the poilt takes a parashute and jumps then the movie star take a parashute and jumps then the blonde jumps so the pope tell the brunnette to take the last parashute and the brunnette says "theres still two parashutes left the blonde toke my bookbag"!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Ole came in the farmhouse one day and said, "Lena, I bin need a new milk cow." He drove all over Minnesota and didn't find a cow he liked so he thought, "By Yimminy, dey have good cows in Visconsin. I go dere."

    Ole finally found a cow he liked and was petting her. She was a very gentle cow with a good disposition. Ole wanted to see how she milked, so he squeezed one of her teats and the cow farted. Ole said, "I sure don't know about dis, but I sure like dis cow."

    He loaded her in the truck and took her back to Minnesota to his barn and called his buddy Sven. Ole said, "Sven, you bin come over and check out my new milk cow." Sven came over and looked at the cow. He said, "Ole, dis sure been some nice cow." He squeezed one of the cow's teats and the cow farted.

    Sven said, "Ole, you buy dis cow in Visconsin, didn't you?" to which Ole said, "Ya, sure Sven, but how you know dat?" Sven replied, "My vife bin from Visconsin."

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Husbands and wives

    Morty was in his usual place that morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

    His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"


    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

    She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"

    I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

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  • A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

    However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

    The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

    One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

    "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

    Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

    The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

    The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.

    When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

    She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

    70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results.

    Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"

    George replied, "God and me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done."

    "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"

    A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great, but I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"

    Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

    Don Juan calls work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

    The boss says, "You know Don Juan, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."

    Two hours later Don Juan calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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  • 1 decade ago

    what happened when three blonds tried to build a house under water? The mexicans tried to burn it down

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