Sarah
Lv 5
Sarah asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Living together before marriage? Thoughts?

I'm interested in hearing people's views on living together before marriage. Personally, I think it is a mistake. I don't want to share finances or a home with anyone but my future husband. Breaking up is hard enough; I can't imagine breaking up with my live-in boyfriend. Now, my boyfriend thinks it is a normal progression of a relationship. Dating, living together, engagement, marriage. On this we just disagree. What are your thoughts?

43 Answers

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  • lmlm
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    We moved in together when we got engaged. We split everything right down the middle until we got married. I don't think that it hurt or help our marriage in any profound way.

    Pro: We saved about $1000/month by living together

    Con: We didn't have that excitement after the wedding of moving in together

    In my opinion, you should only move in with someone if you are 100% committed to them. Living together can be hard and the commitment must be there to get through the tough times. It should never be a "trial run" as a possibility for marriage.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I lived with both my husbands before marriage. I think it is absolutely essential. Someone on here quoted the statistic that you are more likely to remain married if you don't - but that;s because the religious types skew it.

    Living together doesn't have to mean sharing finances - I have never had a joint account with anyone but it does mean worknig out f you can stand to be with each other and not have any get out before you take the huge step of marrying someone.

    When you first move in together it is bliss, a proper honeymoon period. Then comes the challenges about 6 months in - he doesn't like that you leave used cotton wool balls in the bathroom, you don't like that he sometimes goes for a drink with his mates after work and doesn't phone you - whatever. If you can work through these differences then get married, but if not you could have a very short lived and row filled marriage - quite a silly experiment to take when you don't have to. If breaking up with a live in boyfriend seems difficult to you if you can't live together amicably - how much worse is a divorce gonna be?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My guy and I have been together for 4 1/2 years... We just got engaged, and are living together. The only reason we aren't married is because we both want to be done with college before we start the stress of planning a wedding! I don't think it's a bad thing if your in love, and know you'll be spending the rest of your life together.

    I disagree with Sophie...that isn't the stat...The stat is if you move in with someone you just recently started seeing. If you wait about a year or so, and the relationship is commited, then living together is a benifit.

    I also disagree with Lou lou... First off, just because you live together doesn't mean he's getting the sex he wants! 2nd, I real man that really loves you will want to marry you. Only little boys go by the cow analogies.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you are both right, I think. I lived with a b/f and we broke up. he kicked me out and it was horrible, but I learned to trust again and lived with another bf, who is now my fiance. Maybe you can take the middle ground, live together before marriage....once you become engaged. Breaking up with a live in bf is HELL. On the other hand, you dont buy a car without test driving it, so you you shoul probably live together before marriage to see if you can handle each other 24-7. If your bf thinks its a normal progression of a relationship, he probably wants to keep taking steps towards a long future with you. You should talk to him, ask him what he wants in a relationship in this point in time. Oh, keep your finances separate until marriage. Just split the bills until then. Thats what I do and it works out very well. dont be pressured into something that you feel that you are not prepared to do.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I too see it as a normal progression. I would never have felt like I knew my fiancee well enough to marry without knowing all the the things you know about a person when you live with them. However, I have only moved in with one person and when I did I was pretty sure we were going to get married (we were engaged 3 mos after moving in together). And yes, I'd make sure you were financially independent enough to have an exit strategy if you broke up. Could you afford a one bedroom apt by yourself if you moved out or would your world just fall apart? If so, don't do it! You're allowed to be cautious, but I do support it wholeheartedly if you're serious and feel the relationship is going somewhere. I've never regretted it for a second.

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  • Lydia
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think it's a mistake, too, and not for religious reasons - for commitment reasons.

    If your bf isn't of the same thinking as you, then the two of you may just not be a match.

    Shacking up is just playing house. If a man has good character and is seriously dating a woman, the commitment should be an engagement ring and setting a date for a wedding.

    Yes, lots of couples do shack up, and some have perfectly fine lives. Good for them! I just think there is a lot of heartache in other's relationships. One just needs to see all the questions on here - how do I get my bf to ask me to marry me? We've been living together six years and have two kids but he won't marry me? OY!!!

    If marriage is what you want, and it's important to you, hold out for that. You know you have the right man when he wants the same as you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Personally, I think living together while your engaged is a good idea. It's harder to give a ring back or break off an engagement because as a couple you know you want to be together for the rest of your lives. Living together lets you being to work on little annoyances that could occur during the first year of marriage. I'd say it's dating, engagement, living together, marriage.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is a tough one, everyone is different, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years we've been living together for 2 years. we are getting married in 34 days and we're very happy. I was brought up in a christian family who does not believe in living together before marriage because it's a sin. but we were also not gonna be forced into marriage when we were clearly not ready for the commitment. Sometimes living together give you a view of what its gonna be like to be married if it doesn't work out you won't have to go through a messy divorce you will just move out and move on. And sometimes it works, such as my case. So my thought are if you want to live together before marriage go ahead. I know i'm not gonna force my kids to get married first.

    Source(s): 34 days to go B2B 5/3/08
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well i am an Indian and so my thoughts and words may not be suitable for the persons from other countries like West where life patterns, thinking and social values are quite different from what we know in our country.

    My personal opinion is that irrespective of a person nativity, for a boy and a girl who are normal in health, Marriage is a must.

    So, in my view, living together before marriage is not correct as in our country, Marriage is a life long commitment on either side.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I see nothing wrong with a couple who intends on marrying to start living together.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We are clearly getting ready for an engagement. In our minds, it's 100% set that we are getting married.

    But, we are traditional. He wants to propose (as it's a right of passage for a man) and I want the proposal and ring. So, we are just gearing up for that.

    But, we are starting to look around at places to rent for now. We definetely see ourselves moving in together within the next year. I would like to be engaged first. But, if we aren't at that point, it's OK. I know it's coming, because we've had that conversation.

    I think if a couple is 100% set on being together in the future, I see nothing wrong with living together before marriage.

    But, I do agree that it's a bit stupid that two people, with no future plans to marry, to start living together.

    I don't even care about what their future spouse has to say. Things are spouses/future spouses have done in the past, should be left in the past. No need to feel threatened by something that happen before you came along. But, it's got to be a messy situation once they break up. Who keeps what and such.

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