Can an open marriage work?

My husband has found someone else of the same sex and now thinks he is bi-sexual and tells me to find someone (male or female) and we can just have an open marriage ...is this common after almost 10 years of marriage....just wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this....Thanks!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
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    If both parties are ok with it and have an agreement it can.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It can work, but it's not as simple as "I've just found someone, so go find someone else and then it'll be fair."

    You can have a marriage where you are only romantic with each other but are sexual with other people. (This is often called swinging, especially if the casual sex is with another married couple.) You can have a marriage where you are allowed to start new romances with other people but not have casual sex outside those relationships. (This is often called polyamoury.)

    You can require that any new partner be introduced to you, and that you get a veto if they creep you out. You can require that you never hear any details past "I met a nice guy." You can and should definitely require that both of you practice safer sex except between the two of you, because neither of you wants to bring home bugs to the other. You can set any limits you need to feel physically and emotionally safe.

    You can make any agreements you want with your husband, but it shouldn't just be the rules he made up. It should be an agreement you make together, that you talk about carefully, that works for both of you. You need to be clear about what sex means to you, and what love means to you, and if you can share either of those.

    That includes the possibility that sharing will not work for you. If that's true then you need to be honest about that, and he needs to decide what he finds more important.

    I suggest reading "The Ethical Slut," which is a comprehensive book on all kinds of open and multiple relationship issues. See the sources link.

    Good luck, and keep talking with your husband until you find a solution that works for both of you. And then keep talking some more after that! (Open relationships take a lot of communication. Is he interested in putting in enough talking to make it work?)

    Source(s): http://www.worldcat.org/oclc/37969365 will find you a copy of The Ethical Slut in your local library system (or if they don't have it, you can ask them to send you a copy from another library through interlibrary loan). You'll want to buy your own copy if you stick with this, but reading before you buy is always nice.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It CAN work, because others have succeeded at it, but that doesn't mean it will automatically work for you.

    First of all, it take agreement on everyone's part - and not just agreement, but real commitment to it.

    Secondly, just because a relationship is open doesn't mean "there are no rules and everything goes." People have to understand what "crossing the line" means and that will be different for every couple. For some, it will mean, "You can do it with others - but NOT in our marital bed (or house)." Or, "You can do it with others, but only when one or the other of us is unavailable." In other words, it might not be OK to leave your primary partner sitting alone at home while going out to prowl around.

    So, bottom line, this is like negotiating a complex contract. You really do have to sit down and go over all the "parties of the first part not doing things to the parties of the second part" in order to make sure that everyone understands and agrees to what is OK and what is not.

    And just like all contracts, some will work beautifully, some will have a few snags that need to be smoothed out later on, and some won't work at all.

    Best of luck to you both.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yes its common. His behaviour was probably experience at a young age and he never discovered how to deal with it until now. He prob had a few affairs over the years but whatever the case may be at least he is willing to stay with you. Lots of successful marriages are a result of open relationships. I don't promote it but I know it works because society is too selfish to keep it in their pants these days, but hey I am not degrading it either. If the person i loved and trusted with my life wanted to have an open relationship, i would consider but with hesitance. Just know once you open this you are going to allow a lot of insecurity into your lives. I sugges it only if you are a strong capable person of doing so.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Most of the people I know who do this (both gay and straight), it doesn't seem to work out in the long term. Usually someone gets jealous, hurt, in love with someone else, etc.

    I think it can work for some people. Just depends on the people.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It does work.

    The most sucessful ones are those who are into swinging.

    Of course for it to work both must be open to other partners. And no falling in love!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I know a few couples in open relationships and yes, it can work, but rarely. You have to be VERY confident in your love for your partner and your partners love for you. You also have to wonder what is lacking in your own marriage that makes you need to seek other partners.

    So yes, they can work, but tread carefully.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    In my opinion, it all comes down to you. Can you or are you willing to deal with this? If you are, then great, more power to you. If you are not willing, then my advice would be to put your foot down, or leave him. I know it is not as cut and dry as I have made it seem, but you have to make a stand, especially if you do not want this in your life.

    Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I dont think it is common. I believe it is his excuse to cheat and to justify it by telling you to cheat probably so he wont feel so bad

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  • 1 decade ago

    it would be hard but there has to be an understanding....Can it work?? I think so...Look at Will Smith and Jada:)

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