This girl wants to take things slow?

Ok, so I have been dating this same girl for about a month now. We tend to hang out every other day of the week, and I usually take her out on the weekends. But after a month, the most action ive seen are hugs, and slight kisses. She's an amazing girl, and acts the part of a girlfriend most of the time. She has invited me to meet her family, and saids she always wants to see me. However, she hasnt exactly said it, but she is taking things slow.

She has explained that she feels she is afraid of being hurt, and perhaps needs time to gather herself before getting into a relationship. She has said that she has no idea when things will get serious enough for her to call me a boyfriend, and that it could be awhile. She saids that sometimes she cant believe that I like her, but regardless of what she saids, I am a little torn up about the fact that it seems she cant see me as her bf yet.

I wonder, what does it actually mean when a girl needs an un-alloted ammount of time to figure things out? I have talked to her, and it seems like it may be something I still have yet to earn, but I dont know if im just being kept aroung until something else comes up. Is it ever a good thing when you have to work for several months to reach the point of being exclusive to one another?

Please tell me if you think im wasting my time, and setting myself up for failure.

12 Answers

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  • yoga
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    Relationship is all about looking at how you are dealing in those circumstances

    rather than looking at what the circumstances are doing to you,

    Looking at ur actions ur words ur feeelings is better than

    blaming how the oter person is doing or what he is saying...lollzzzz

  • 1 decade ago

    I have a gut feeling by what you explained is true. I think she really means she needs time to move slow. It's not easy being a girl and finding a "good guy". As they say nice guys finish last. She just wants to be sure it has really come true that she found someone so loving. I would say go along with it but you can play safe a few ways...

    a. Don't put too much of your heart and soul into the relation as you never know there is a possibility she is wasting your time.

    b. Notice her behavior... is she using you for gifts, dinners, help, etc only??

    Actions speak louder than words. Time tells everything, but unfortunately, there is wait and patience is involved.

  • Tony R
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I don't know her so I can't tell you if she is keeping you around till something better, but it is a good thing that she is taking things slow IF you are looking for a REAL relationship. If you are looking for a sex partner, then don't actually date her. Yet you shouldn't be looking for that anyway, but it doesn't sound like you are.

    If she isn't just using you, then she is probably looking for a real relationship, and knows that the best relationships start as friends first. To find love you have to be able to take sexual interaction out fo the equation, and still be able to handle bieng with them. She would also be rare, because most women won't go out with a good friend for fear of hurting the friendship, and she doesn't seem to be that way.

    Hope this helps, wasn't too confusing, and good luck...

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you should just listen to what she tells you (and has told you already). She probably was really hurt in previous relationship(s) and this can make a girl (or a guy for that matter) feel very insecure about relationships in general. If she wants to take things slow, I would just go with it, but do tell her how you feel and how this makes you feel insecure and hurt. Communication is primordial in a lasting relationship. I really do not think you are wasting your time, in fact, I think that take your time leads more often to a long lasting and good relationship.

    Do talk to her, make sure she knows she can trust you and confide in you, try to be understanding and make sure she knows how you feel.

    Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well it seems like she was in a bad relationship before u... those can take time to heal... and if u really care u should be patient and caring and then she will understand how u feel... im surprised u guys haven't kissed more after a month...

    She also said that she doesn't know why u like her... signs of depression / she doesn't like herself.. it would help if u told her how pretty she was alot and complimented her hair or what she is wearing or what ever... this will raise her self esteem...

    Ur not wasting ur time but she is hurting and u guys will have to talk about that..

    and see how that will effect ur relationship..

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I don't think you are wasting your time! Don't dump her that will make her feel a lot worse! Trust me I know this. I did this with my boyfriends because I thought they were all just trying to use me and didn't actually like me and I was scared. I had seven boyfriends so far and out of that seven only one on them was truly amazing and nice to me. He is such a sweetheart! But about all those other guys it was true they were just users. Anyways just give her time she might have been hurt by other guys before and wants to be sure this time! Just be patient man! Somehow just show her that you really care!

  • 1 decade ago

    Some girls have issues and want to take things slowly. I mean, kisses and hugs are fine for a month. I mean, too much more in that span of time seems like a bit much, but that's up to her. She may want to be with you as your girlfriend, but she may not want to feel pressured to do more and then end up hurt. A lot of girls fear this kind of thing

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe she just isn't ready for a long-term relationship at the moment. Regardless of this propective situation, you shouldn't pressure her into spending more or less time on you. Move at her pace; that's the role of the boyfriend, after all.

    If you're truly ready to sacrifice anything just to be with her, then you deserve to be with her-- that's the mindset of a respectible boyfriend, IMO.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry bro, I am patient but sounds like the timing is not there. Either stop caring and see what she does or be there for her. Personaly I don't play games so I would let her do her thing alone.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It sounds like she got burned pretty bad at some point. If you really like her, then wait for her to come around.

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