Are all straight men homophobic?

My best friend is straight and she is very interested in ethics and human rights. She has been on dates with many guys who turned out to be homophobic. Even if it is just a little bit, it provokes her. I think she is very intelligent who minds it. She is definitely a thinking soul. People tell her that she is thinking too much. Many girls don't mind that their boyfriends are homophobic at all. The guys she has gone out with have been either:

- plain homophobic and gay bashing

- "It is okay as long as I don't need to have anything to do with the gays"

- "gays are disgusting/unable to follow the social codes/sinners, but I offer them the right to exist"

Aren't there any straight men who are gay friendly? Who care about gay rights? Who know that gays have been bashed and oppressed by society? Are all straight men at least a little bit homophobic?

She doesn't give them a chance. She tells me she can not fall in love with someone who don't have any "morals". She thinks homophobia is just as bad as racism and I agree with her. Not liking gay people is just as bad as not liking blacks or asians.

She isn't find with guys who think "gays have the right to exist, as long as they stay away from me". She has no plan to have kids but she isn't attracted to men who wouldn't accept a gay child, or a gay friend for that matter.

Is finding a non-homophobic man just as difficult as finding a vegetarian butcher?


she is 20. She is NOT attracted to older, "more mature" men. She likes men around her age.

13 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    My best friend was the first person I came out to in High School. He hardly reacted at all. This is a guy who literally has said that he believes Vagina is the "warm, gooey center of the universe" and I had known him, and been alone with him for hours, or even days sometimes, for almost 10 years. We had slept next to each other on the floor on long trips or vacations, and he was totally ok with it. He was trying to guess who had broken up with me (I was having a hard time with it, and it was my first boyfriend, and I told him what happened but left the name of the person out of the conversation) and finally I just said, "It was Aaron, it was a guy ok? I'm gay"

    He looked at me for about five seconds and then was like "Ok, cool. I'm sorry he did this to you though, that kid has always been a d-bag" and he just carried on like the conversation hadn't changed at all. I mean, this is possibly one of the straightest men I have met or may ever meet, he had a four-way with 3 virgin football cheerleaders in High School, and he totally was fine with it when he heard about me, and then offered to beat the hell out of my ex. We talked about it for a while, and he asked who I was attracted to, and he's been a close friend to this day, literally we talk at least every few days, no matter what. And I should mention, we don't live in San Francisco or something, we live in a small town in the Midwest where there are Confederate flags flying over almost half of the homes, and his mother is the music director in an evangelical church. So no, I think its more than possible for straight people, even those raised in very religious or politically backwards environments, to be completely open minded, I just think they need to be intelligent and caring enough to want to try.

    P.S. TO THE ANSWERER NAMED BUDEG who is so "proudly homophobic". Let me simply say that I have never heard anything more ignorant than a desire for anti-homophobic ideals to be regarded as a form of prejudice against homophobic activity. Do you not realize that had our society used that argument to protect racists and chauvinists in the first half of the 20th century, we'd still be hanging African-Americans in trees and paying women a quarter of a man's salary to wear tight skirts and make coffee?

    I mean honestly, what kind of uneducated sense of irony brings this posting a man who has the balls to argue to homosexuals that he is angry at the prejudice he is experiencing against his PREJUDICES! Were you raised in a barn, or a place where lead paint chips are a culinary tradition? Or did you just fall on your head someplace made of concrete? What a tool.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well not all straight men are homophobic, but it is true many are, and many follow the, "I don't care so long as they stay away from me" rule, which in some ways, I am content with, because its better than them going after us, but it is true, they should be open to being friends with them as well, and not avoid the idea all together as it is reality that gay people exist...Now I do think we are ALL a bit homophobic in our own ways, at some point in our lives, I know I was and still do have my homophobic attitudes, and I am gay, but certain parts of the gay life-style do not appeal to me, and I am not entirely accepting on them, and many gay people are un accepting of being gay at first and act very homophobic, as a matter of face it can often be a good sign that someone is a closet gay if they are very gay bashing and homophobic...But there is straight guys out there who do have gay friends, as some gay people fit in with straight crowds well, I myself have entirely straight friends, not one gay male friend exists in my inner circle of friends, and they are all fine with it.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have many straight male friends (I'm from the UK) ~ and none of them are even the slightest bit homophobic.They are all married but all of them have a live and let live attitude ~ when my partner died 6 years ago they were all incredibly supportive and helped me through tremendously. Interestingly none of them are particularly religious, but they are well rounded and intelligent men. They have been more supportive than some of my own family.

    Generally I've never encountered any homophobia (I'm 37) in my life ~ most straight men here in the UK tend not to be homophobic and are more than willing to let you into their lives because they know you're never going to make a play for their girlfriends/wives (and indeed can pass some interesting tips onto them)

    Good luck for your friend ~ I hope she finds a real man who's happy in his sexuality and not some homophobic caveman

  • 1 decade ago

    Not a chance, my best (straight) male friend is so accepting its awesome. I will always remember when a gay guy came up to my friend saying he would be too much (for my friend). My friend then yanked him across the table and open mouth snogged him. We were all shocked and the gay guy bought him drinks all night. I have even admitted him about having a crush on him, and he is really decent about it cause men would distance themselves, instead he has actually become a closer friend because I came out to him.

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  • 4 years ago

    straight men are mostly considered more homophobic than any gender a woman would do a gay guy for the right price A straight guy don't even like homo¥ girls

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What type of guys does she date? No, not all straight men are.

    Perhaps she needs to look for guys who are more mature acting and arn't just looking for sex. I've found that homophobic guys tend to be clueless when it comes to pleasing the opposite sex outside of the bedroom. Shes gotta get a guy that isn't one dimensional.

    Bravo to her! Shes doing the right thing for her future kids.

    I think she needs to find her boyfriend in another setting than she currently is.

  • 6 years ago

    Will you morons stop using the term homophobic it implies those who disagree with your lifestyle are sick and fear you which make those who use the term bigots by labeling those they dont agree with. straight people do not call gay men hetrophobic.

    Homosexuals say they only want to be equal yet they lable those they disagree with as if they were inferior.

    And while they scream their opinions anywhere they please they demand people of different ideas are crimminal by expressing their opion and must be punished as if they alone must be justified by all and in my opinion sounds more like a phobia than anything else.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know quite a few, and I'd like to think I'm not homophobic. I think it definitely depends where you're from. If you're from the US, especially a red state, you're unlikely to come across acceptance of homosexuality. If you're from Europe - especially the traditionally liberal European countries (the Netherlands, Scandinavia etc) it's more likely it'll be accepted.

    Unfortunately it seems religion plays a big part in it...

  • 1 decade ago

    My roommate is homophobic. And he learned all about me last summer because I had a big crash and heartache bla bla...I am a masculine guy (not effeminate) then he said that if he would know it before, he would never share the same flat with me. But we live together for 3 years and we're like brothers.

    But I believe most of them take one step back even if they are your good friends. (except girls:))

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    it all stems from their own insecurities

    if a straight man was 100% comfortable in his sexuality then he wouldnt feel the need to put down gay people

    for example i am not fat. therefore i really dont care about fat people, i never put them down, if someone called me fat i wouldnt be offended cos i know i am not. if i had been fat in my youth or was paranoid other people thought i was fat... well then i would distance myself from fat people and maybe put them down

    a weird metaphor but i hope u get it

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