Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 1 decade ago

Mums - advice for someone who's relationship has just ended?

**Wrong section I know, but I really want the advice, and value the opinions of you lovely mummies out there**

My boyfriend and father of my baby broke up with me a few days ago...

and I'm lost!

I'm not sad, but I'm not happy, I just can't think straight - I don't know how to feel, I have never been dumped before.

What are the does and don'ts of returning to a 'normal' life? (I'm still living in his house, he's not here, until I find somewhere to go.) How do I cope with being a single mother?

Any advice you can give me would really help =[

11 Answers

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  • KC
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Hon, you will look back on this in years to come and you will realise this is one of the best things to have happened to you - he's a d!ck, you deserve better than him *hugs*.

    Can someone not take Alissa for a while? To give you a break and sort things out a bit?

    You know all about my situation - and what gets me through each day is Lilly. Just getting a gummy smile from her makes everything bad go away for a split second. You need to concentrate on you and Alissa - just carry on being the best mummy you can be, like you have already. You will find a decent guy out there one day, but for now, you need to concentrate on yourself and Alissa, you two are more important.

    You do:

    - Need to remain positive. This is a GOOD thing that's happened, you will see it in time.

    - Need to concentrate on yourself and Alissa.

    You should NOT:

    - Dwell on things, think "what if" etc.

    - Ever consider getting back with him.

    You know where all us mummys are if you need us :) xxxx

  • 4 years ago

    Sorry to hear about such a situation! Honestly, it sounds like you've made up your own mind. You have a lot of things listed that bother you about him. He's disrespectful to his mother (which by the way is a HUGE red flag!), he has some self esteem issues, and he's sending inappropriate texts to some other female. The list goes on, I'm sure. I am certainly not biased, as I don't know you. But it sounds like your a very caring woman, and I do believe you can do so much better. No one deserves a man like that, and a man who treats them that way. The longer you linger in a relationship that you clearly want terminated, the longer you allow yourself to be in a sad situation that doesn't benefit you, and also keeps you from being with someone else who loves and cherishes you for the person you are. Waiting it out will do nothing, trust me. I've been where you are. Hoping that maybe I can change the guy, caring about him more than he cares about himself. It's all a waste of your time. Men only change when THEY want to change. Please remember this. You cannot change a person. They must do good for themselves, but don't feel bad for trying. That just shows how good of a person you are. Move on with your life. Find someone who you'll be happy and content with. I wish you the best of luck! If you need anymore help or advice, don't hesitate to IM me or send me an email.

  • Jan M
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    The daze is pretty normal, you will be fine you just do what needs to be done and carry on with life. My Son was 2 when his dad and I split, I had been only working a couple of days a week and I was honestly really scared, the last thing I wanted was to end up living in my parent's basement. It was actually a lot easier then I thought it would be, I found a job and daycare and applied for daycare subsidy and it was different but better in a lot of ways, eventually I ran into this guy I used to date in high school and well 4 years later we now have a beautiful baby girl, I was able to buy my own house ( ok so it's a mobile but still it's mine all mine and I got it on my own without any body's help so to me it's a palace) I worked my way up to a full time position at work and could quit my second job and everything is way better then it was with my ex, we weren't happy then and now I don't know about him but I'm a heck of a lot happier and better off.

    The next month or two will be a blur but with help and support from friends and family you will make it just fine. Find out what support programs are available in your area and take advantage of them until you get on your feet, that's what they are for.

  • 1 decade ago

    If this means going back to work, find the best childcare you can. Seriously, don't stop looking until you find someone who you're comfortable with. As a single mom of a baby, everything else in my life was affected by the quality of care my dd got while I was at work. Also, invest in a good pump. Keeping your supply up (and having milk to give the childcare) is so important.

    If you're going to have to be away from your baby during the day, consider co-sleeping or at least sharing a bedroom with your baby. The extra closeness will help you both.

    Get some counseling. Single parenting is rewarding, but tough. You need to have some help in getting used to being on your own. Autonomy in parenting, and in life, is a little weird after being partnered for a long time.

    And be easy on yourself. You're going to make mistakes, and you should forgive yourself for them. Just be on the lookout for any depression or anger warning signs, and seek help immediately if you see them.

    Source(s): Been there, done that.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey hun, hugs. I split up with my son's father when Luke was a month old. It was my decision, but that didn't make it any easier. You'll cope with being a single mother, because you need to. And in all honesty if you're happier, your daughter will be too.

    Busy yourself with keeping your daughter busy and going to little play groups, baby classes etc. Get out of the house everyday, even if you just go a walk nowhere in particular.

    Be single for a while and concentrate on you and your daughter.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know how it feels me and my ex split when my older daughter was 1.5 yrs old and i felt exactly the same. I felt like i couldn't do it on my own i though i would be on my own forever it wasn't a nice place to be. Well a few weeks went by and i managed, i still felt lonely at times especially at night when my LO was in bed but slowly it got easier and i realised that i hadn't actually loved him for quite a while i was just scared to be on my own.

    What im trying to say really is that it is hard to start with but you will be fine and in the long run probably be a happier person.

    I met my now partner about a yr after i split with my ex and we have been together for 4.5 yrs now and have a beautiful 9 month old and he loves my 6 yr old like his own. There are good ones out there :) xx

  • 1 decade ago

    just dont dwell on it. take every day day-by-day and just focus on your little one. soon enough you will find all these things you have been wanting to do but haven't been able to do them! enjoy yourself and your time with your child as much as possible. hang out with friends, family, go out and do new things, meet new people, even spoil yourself a bit. and someone else said, see if you can get someone to take your daughter for the day and go out get your hair/nails done, do some shopping, make a lunch date with the girls, whatever! just move forward and don't look back. it will get easier real fast!

  • 1 decade ago

    I dont know why you 2 broke up but I am about to be single too, but by choice, because he's an abusive pr*ck. Still, at times I feel like I could die and I feel so lonely and its painful...I am just sticking it out, because I have to.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your stronger than you think Tauree - Ive said it before, this will be the making of you and you will look back on it ending with him to be one of the most positive situations in your life.

    Can anyone take alissa overnight, to let you chill on you own? get your head sorted?

    You will cope just fine. Your a good mum and you will find a good man who will treat you better than he did - you know you are better than that.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to say that i'm sorry this happened to you.

    And you have all us girlies to cry to if you need any of us :-)

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