Anonymous asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 1 decade ago

Ladies, do you think that we have made "significant" progress on the issues concerning domestic violence ?

Or have we dropped the ball. I was watching Oprah on yesterday.

And now all of a suddent these celebrities are coming out and

talking about domestic violence, and past relationships with men.

Tyra Banks was on that show too. And on Larry King the other

night, the guess was Robin Givens, the ex wife of Mike Tyson.

Oh wow Rihanna, look at the fuss that you have created. But I don't

blame women for coming out and speaking against domestic issues.

Why ? Because for the most part, we have turned a deaf ear to

many victims, men and women both. And the people who stay in these relations, or go back to the abuser, makes the fight in vain.

It puts a black eye on it all. Women are being demonized for

staying in abusive relationships now more than ever. It is hard to

sympathize for people , who don't love themselves. So now we

see just a slap on the wrist for most people who do these crimes

of passion. Do you think that think that we have made any significant

progress when it comes to the world of domestic violence, or have

we regressed ? Hey blame it on the women or men who go back to

the abuser right......................


I mean all you do is make matters

worse. AND even more, people who

go back can be seem as "ill". But the

real truth is, that sometimes people are

just stubborn, and too selfish to get it.

That is the cold truth..................

11 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best answer

    It depends what you consider progress -

    I would say yes, in that people don't turn a blind eye to it anymore. It's considered 100% not acceptable to physically hit your spouse for any reason.

    Now, before anyone jumps down my throat, I am not saying that the legal system treats men/women the same/fairly when it comes to DV, they still have a ways to go to figure that mess out.

    But, if you think back, up until say the early 1980's, if the cops came to your house because the neighbors complained about hearing 'fighting' going on, they would come in, check if everyone was okay, but they would seemed less likely to make an arrest. Nowadays, if this were to happen, you KNOW someone (usually the bigger or stronger of the couple, aka the man) is going to be arrested on the spot regardless of what the story is.

    The police and law enforcement people are probably instructed to do this, because if they don't and something should happen, the town and the department would be slapped with a lawsuit for sure.

    Also, far less people are spanking their children as a disciplinary action, because that is also now considered abuse.

  • 1 decade ago

    We've made progress in my lifetime because I can still remember when an abused spouse had to actually bring charges before the police could arrest the abuser. Now police make the choice based on what they see. And they have psychological resources for abused spouses.

    Also, it wasn't until the early Eighties that women started being able to use self-defense as a reason to stay out of prison when they finally killed an abusive husband. Before that, they just went to jail for murder, no defense allowed. Of course, they have to have some kind of proof and documented history of the prior abuse, not just their word.

    What I don't understand is in this day and age when the word has been out and everyone should be educated about the laws and psychological elements of spousal abuse for decades, covered in the media and done to death in movies and TV shows, how these people are still thinking their abuser really does love them "in his or her own way"? Now it's a matter of plain stupidity if they stay with the abuser!

    I know this Rihanna chick supposedly was abusive to the Brown guy, but the fact remains that he is physically stronger than her and she knows full well that he will hit her again when she hits him again. I can't feel sorry for her. She's digging her own grave, literally, and she knows better.

  • 1 decade ago

    I find that we have made progress yet victims are still being killed by intimate partners. As for the Oprah show, I didn't even watch it because I agree with what you just said. There are not only young women but other women and men out there who are victims of abuse but it's not until it happens to someone in the public arena that more people talk about the issue. Domestic Violence happens everyday and it can happen to anyone. Men and women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons- love, fear, financial reasons, kids but we need to really move past the Rihanna situation which was sad to begin with and Look at domestic violence as everyone's problem

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Domestic violence is an illness for both parties involved. Whether we like to admit it or not they are both equally unhealthy and one is not more of a victim than the other.

    Freud's definition of insanity, doing something over and over again but expecting a different outcome each time, is very fitting for the both the abuser and the abused.

    Unless a person is in a position where they absolutely have no way of escaping they are in that situation voluntarily.

    If that's the case, they are no longer the victim but a participant. They are part of the problem.

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  • 1 decade ago

    We would have to get more in to the issues that CREATE the violence towards each other in order to make any progress, and THAT is not likely to happen.

    There are too many "rights" to hide behind, too many people out there that are seriously twisted and nobody can legally touch them, too many grey areas, too many lawyers, and too many really ignorant lazy people who refuse to take ANY responsibility for where they are in life.

    Use the term "victim" very carefully - once you are aware of something and its danger but you go back to it anyway, you are no longer a victim, you are a participant. Yea - there is something mentally askew with a person who does that - it is called masochism. The "abuser" is a "sadist". Stubborn and or selfish has little to do with it.

    The cold truth is, mental illness is NOT a clear cut science that we can create a pill for and be done with it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No, feminists not only dropped the ball, but stomped it flat out of spite, then perpetually tells everyone that there's nothing wrong with the ball at all, and they like it just the way it is. When someone has the "audacity" to tell them that, they indignantly reply that the ball is just fine. Then "prove" this by repeated asking each other, "Is there anything wrong with the ball? It looks fine to me. The ball is perfectly good, right? Yup, looks good." They offer this group think as proof that the ball is perfect.

    If feminists would admit the truth, they would seek inclusion to the equal number of male victims of DV. These men have no shelters, no counseling, no options when faced with a violent, psycho wife or SO, and are arrested if the call the police for help when attacked by their wives. By helping men, they could leave or call the police on their violent spouses, and this would reduce the amount of reciprocal violence on women, not to mention lowering the number of deaths of men by spousal violence. Read some of the results from that list. No sane person can deny this huge amount of reliable data from over the past 30 years.

  • Offkey
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Are you saying it's the feminists' fault? I didn't get what you were aiming at.

    I know that in Mexico, in one area, some men have formed a group to stop domestic violence. It was made up of men who used to be abusive, and they wanted to change other men, who would then change other men.

    I don't think it should only be a feminist issue. Of course, feminists talk about it a lot because usually, it is women who are being abused. But men are also abused, and they really don't talk about it, and I'm not sure there are places for them to go to.

    But this is a very complicated issue.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There is little progress to be made since this is an ongoing issue, what has improved is awareness but so much more needs to be done. Women remain or return to their abusers out of fear and financial worry.

  • 1 decade ago

    I've worked as an advocate for victims of Domestic Violence, and I have had the chance to see the affect that this crime has on both the abused, the abuser and anyone stick in the middle (mostly children). I too have lived through watching my mother being beat by my father on a regular basis, and for the longest I held contempt towards my father for his actions. But, as I grew older, my hatred turned from my father and was focused on my mother for the simple fact that she stayed with him. I called her stupid, I was disrespectful, and I soon become verbally abusive to her because I felt that it was her fault that we were living in such a hell. But to be honest, she was only doing what she thought was best. She had four kids with a man that didn't love her, she had very limited work experience (my father was the sole provider when we were younger), her relationship with her family was ruined (no thanks to my father) so she felt trapped; like she had nowhere to go and no one to turn too. So she made herself a human sacrifice for the sake of raising her children in a home with both their parents. The older I became, I started to learn more about my father’s ways and who he was as a person. His father was an indentured servant in the state of Louisiana, and he suffered abuse at the hands of his owners. So his father in turn abused my father’s mother as well as his siblings and himself. And let’s not forget that my mother’s mother was abused by my grandfather on my mom’s side. So for both my parents, this was all they knew. This was the type of environment they grew up in so they knew no other way to be (my father knew how to abuse, and my mother knew how to be abused). This is why you see more and more people stepping up and speaking out against DV because people who're abused or is the abusers are people who've experienced abuse all their lives, and are only acting out on what they know

  • Jennie
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Allah allows it. I guess these experts who translated the Koran don't know as much as you, lol. 3 versions - it's the literal strike, not the "hit the road" kind, otherwise the word "lightly" would not have to be added (to make it not sound so bad, lol). 004.034 YUSUFALI: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). PICKTHAL: Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. SHAKIR: Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great.

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