How do you deal with Racist feelings...do they ever chang or become healed?

The racist feelings are from myself, I feel like a racist because of my past experiences and I would like to know if I can rid myself of them. I know this is wrong, I know it's not a good thing for me to have them but I do and there is no denying this fact......it's ugly and I hate the way I feel... show more The racist feelings are from myself, I feel like a racist because of my past experiences and I would like to know if I can rid myself of them. I know this is wrong, I know it's not a good thing for me to have them but I do and there is no denying this fact......it's ugly and I hate the way I feel inside.

Why do I have these feelings:

I was raised in a predominately BLACK neighborhood and attended a nearly all black school in the 1970's. I won't go into many details because that would take away from the real problem....my racist feelings. I will say that what I and my sister & mother experienced was beyond terrifying. My sister was beaten numerous times because she was white, blonde hair and pretty, black girls hated my sister and she never had one friend growing up, to this day she is bitter and has extreme racial attitude against all black people...in one case she was hospitilized. My mother went through a hell that I won't repeat here on yahoo answers, see was a divorced white woman.

We have always hated black history Month or Martin Luther's Kings cause...these things made us want to scream...and scream we did in silence. We never had a civil rights organization, we had had the NAACP to turn to...these issues were insults to injury to say the least.
WE grew up hearing how we "white people" enslaved them, even though our father's family came to America in 1908 and our mothers family faught for the north during the civil war...it didn't matter to them, we were white and to be punished....and we were, and we live with those scares to this day.

What now:

This all happened many years ago but the feelings are still there. I can rationize that not every black person did this to us...not every single black person is this way. I can intellectually rap my mind around that but the feeling are there. I live in an all white middle class area on purpose, I avoid any contact with blacks, I felt a sick feeling when Barack Obama was elected, I wanted so badly to write his Minister to tell him what I thought of him and his church...I wanted to say and do much...I really felt this anger for blacks. I remember doing so research proving they didn't invent the things they claim...I really enjoyed knowing this......driven by hate!

I know these things...I know I feel this way and I know it's wrong, it's ugly and this must change in me..I must change but I feel powerless to change my mind.

I feel willing to become willing to change if that makes any sense. I have never talked about this with anyone except my wife...I am ashamed of myself for how I feel.

answers....suggestions...help!

thanks
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