Aw, Kirsty ... I know how these kind of feelings hurt to the core, of believing that you're somehow not pretty or worthy enough, but you can't let them take captive of you or tamper with the way you view yourself. If, from Yahoo! Answers, I've discovered what a kind, thoughtful, and beautiful girl you are (and believe me, not just on the inside), I'm 100% certain that so many feel the same way. Through your questions, I know how you are dealing with a lot, but simultaneously, you seem so put together, and your answers are guaranteed to put a smile on my face, every time! I really, truly encourage that you put everything into perspective ... think about it. Maybe when you look in the mirror, you're basing your *entire* view of yourself (encompassing all your characteristics and morals) purely on your looks, which is totally not the right way to go about it. Have you ever contemplated for a moment that this "monster" that reflects back at you also has a heart of gold, an awesome sense of humor, and an endless supply of love for Jason Mraz, among other things and people?
Although I've stressed about my looks in the past, now I don't bother, because not only is it degrading, and gnaws continually at my self esteem, but the fact of the matter is that these thoughts are tiresome and useless. They suck up all the energy you have and drain it out until you have just about as much juice as a dried up lemon. The analogy isn't the greatest, but do you get what I mean? I used to fret over my awkward and gangling height because I had a tendency to slump over in order to keep a conversation with people. I thought my hair was too wild, and my skin, like yours, was too sensitive and blemished easily. I thought of myself as some sort of deformed hunchback with unruly bedhead hair and acne. But believe me, this is NOT what others see. Something that bothers you, like puffy eyes, can instantly be cured by placing a cold spoon over your lids, while someone else out there is bound to love your smile, or your rosy cheeks (believe me, I can relate to having some baby fat on my face and it's not terrible at all!).
Going out with friends should be something you enjoy. Knowing the kind of busy bee you are, a break like this should be rewarding, not destructive of your confidence. When it comes to school, remind yourself constantly that it isn't the place for Runway castings, rather, it's where students learn and make the best out of their talents. Something that has worked for me perfectly is this tactic: Set intellectual goals for yourself to distract your mind from focusing on the less important and trivial matters, such as minor physical imperfections. Do something worthy of your achievement and pride. Work your way up to the top of your class, become the leader of a club, take a risk and join a club, sport, or endeavor you've never tried before, or learn how to express your talents in some other creative way. And when you achieve these goals that you've worked hard to accomplish, you will feel a sense of pride that no set of nice clothing or good hair day could.
Equally, when it comes to doing things with friends, do something fun and fully immerse yourself in the quality time you're spending together. Go to an amusement park, bake some cookies, or volunteer together in your local nursing home, hospital, or a school for underpriveleged children. Sure, the last suggestion might not be in your comfort zone, or a typical thing you might do with a friend, but giving back to your community has the same effect as achieving a goal: It makes you feel good about yourself, and bring happiness and peace to your mind and heart.
It sounds that you are definitely stressing too much, especially with the overdoing of the ID card. Come on, the whole purpose of publishing a yearbook is not just to reenact old thoughts and memories when you flip it open years later. It also serves its purpose wonderfully by publicly embarrassing each person in it. I recently saw mine a few days ago. I think I'm just used to viewing my continual bad yearbook photos, year after year, because for this one, I just glanced at and laughed. Needless to say, I think my most recent one has got the record for most ridiculous of them all: My blouse will kind of lopsided (although the photographer kindly did not point that out), my tigress hair completely mussed up, and my smile was toothy. I don't think you can beat mine, Kirst. But I have decided to look at this whole thing with some humor. Stick a smiley face on the side of your purse, or cover the card with an inspirational quote or saying. It works!
You say you wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone else, but believe me, there are many people who are able to relate to you. I previously was. I didn't feel understood at all. Partly, I think your emotions are a result of what's happening in your life right now, beyond just your looks. You've got a lot on your plate; I know. Being a teen girl, it can often feel like too much to handle. Counseling can be beneficial, but if you don't quite want to open yourself up to that degree yet, that's understandable. It's completely up to you. I feel lonely oftentimes, and find that it's most cathartic to express my feelings in a journal, or read a truly good book, or listen to a hopeful song, or just get a hug.
It takes courage to ask a question like this, and I'm proud of that you take initiative to do so. But I'm going to give you my opinion on your picture, and regardless of whether you believe me, I honestly think I could not imagine a person who would look more like "Kirstienne". : ) You've got beautiful eyes, and it would do you magic if you smiled.
So dry those tears. Remember that self faith will come eventually; it's a long and tumultuous road that we all have to pass. Focus on bettering yourself and your personality, while believing that you are capable of *whatever* you set your sights on. Take initiative; be proactive; and most importantly, have hope. : )
Keep that 15th spirit, and I'll send you some more links. : )