Open Marriage (details inside)?

So, my husband told me sometime back that If I were to cheat on him he would not leave me.. that it would open the door for him to sleep with other people. He has approached me with things like he would like a open marriage meaning that we would just have sex with other people no strings attached and come home to one another later. He has told me that he will never be fully happy sexually . He said it has nothing to do with me he said he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. And that he does not want a divorce he just wants us both to have fun and still be married. We have been married for 5 years both in our 20's..last time he mentioned this was a few months ago but I still think about it sometimes..What are you thoughts on this. _no kiddies please_

34 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Personally, I wouldn't put up with it. Not only does it go against the idea of being faithful, but it's also unsafe for both of you (him having sex with random girls and then coming home and having sex with you). I've HEARD of other people agreeing to it, but nobody I know, and I'd never agree to it, but it's up to you.

    But it sounds to me like your husband may have a sex addiction. You mentioned sex with no strings attached, and if those are his words, then it sounds to me like he's after either the sex or the game...not love. You didn't describe any other sign of him not loving you...that's why it sounds like some sort of addiction or maybe even a mental "macho" problem.

    I would recommend going to see a marriage counselor, which in turn, may lead to some personal psychological help and advice for your husband. It will help determine whether it's he's a sex addict or has a ego problem, or if it really is a factor of him not loving you anymore. But you can't force him to do it. If he refuses to go or ends up showing no effort, then you may be facing the possibility of divorce...unless of course you decide to give in to his request.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

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  • Honey
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I told my husband the same thing, except, I told him that if he ever cheated on me I'd go get the ***** and turn her out (meaning, she would no longer want what he has, if you get me). It was said in fun at the time but he knows me well enough to know that if I ever wanted to put action behind those words, I could do it easily and without remorse.

    Your husband wants an open marriage anyway but he's respecting you and marriage in the traditional sense. My husband and I were involved in swinger activity when I said that, never did and would never do the open marriage thing because all that we did, we did together. For me to go solo (as in what I jokingly threatened) would be a violation, hence it being something to threaten with. I don't know what thought you're seeking. Are you for it or against it? Are you looking for details from others who've been in an open marriage? Without knowing any of that, I have no advice except don't do what YOU don't want. Don't let yourself get talked into something. Don't "try" something you're not ready for. To me, it sounds like your husband is going through the type of conflict that'll eventually lead to unhappiness. He'll either cheat (on the low end of possibilities) or be really unhappy and unresponsive to you which will make you unhappy (on the high end). You need to firmly figure out if you're open to other people. If not, let him know it's a no go and if he's willing to walk away, get to gettin. With his mentality, you'll always be sitting there with your heart in your throat wondering if he wants to be with you or not.

  • 1 decade ago

    He has a sexual addiction that will never be satisfied until he gets help. My ex husband is still this way. He wants anything he can get. I hope your husband uses condoms when/if he is with someone else or you both may end up with a STD. Also how will you feel about the open marriage policy when you do bring kids into the family?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, that is something that the two of you should discuss together. If you;re interested, maybe go to a swingers party in your area. Or talk to him and ask him what he feels open means. There are a lot of different meanings to that. How do you feel about him with other women and you with other men? He seems pretty determined and I can imagine that he will eventually end up if he already isn't sleeping with another woman. Is it worth it to do this for your marriage to last? are you willing to be ok with him sleeping around? He's going to do it anyway so prepare yourself to accept it.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think it's something. Not a marriage. Not a commitment. Not a lifetime of love for each other. Convenience, maybe. I think the first time he found out you were with another man he would be so seething jealous it would drive the two of you to break up. Either that or he just doesn't love you anymore and like I said, you are a convenience. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life?

  • 1 decade ago

    You haven't actually said how you feel about this. Is this something you fantasize about? Or something you would be putting up with for his benefit?

    Open marriages are risky. There are risks of STDs and pregnancy. (Suppose you have a baby and aren't sure of the father? Would he raise it? Suppose his girlfriend got pregnant?).

    You both need a somewhat rare mindset to make it work. Many who think they are OK with it are not. If it is something you fantasize about, try it. Don't do it just because he wants it, however.

  • 1 decade ago

    My wife and I are swingers, so I think I can actually give you a meaningful answer, unlike most others who seem to think they know all about something they've never done.

    We do what we do as icing on the cake that is our incredibly exciting sex life and solid marriage. We don't do it out of frustration, lonliness, spite, or boredom. We do it as essentially a fun activity we do together, and we are both in it voluntarily - nobody is forced into it.

    You would be doing this for all the wrong reasons. I see terrible problems for you if you do this.

    Source(s): Swinger who has seen this before. And, btw, swingers have lower STD rates than the general population. It's true.
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    i couldn't live like this at all

    our sex life is for me, and my husband only

    but many people do live like this

    but its fraught with pitfalls

    it should be 50/50 decision, with clear ground rules set before hand

    i do think he isn't playing fair though by telling you he will never be satisfied, its almost an pre empt excuse, and a little like blackmail really

    you have to think long and hard if this is a path you wish to tread, and of course what it would mean if you didn't

    i hope you find peace

  • 1 decade ago

    I woould say that it would have to be something that you were 100% comfortable with, and that it should be your choice. Don't feel pressured by his suggestions, if you don't want to do it, then don't. Of course having someone in mind already might make it an easier decision, but you have to weigh out how you truly feel about it, before and after.

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