6 Fay's Talk Show starring Fay Koprah c/c?
Fay - I'm so glad you found that humorous, but I have an exciting announcement this morning! We - yes, Fay's Talk Show starring Me...
has been included in... The Neilson Ratings! (foot-stomping, cheers, applause) And we...
Cassie58 - Uh, s'cuse me Fay...?
Fay - Yes, Dear?
Cassie58 - Well, they might be thinking you mean the 'Other' Neilson Ratings. Uh, Fay, as one of your producers I have to maintain the veracity of all information, so your credibility...
Fay - Well, I just received this letter today, Cassie! If you think I'm not credible, go ahead and open it while we're live!
Cassie - (reading, reading, reading. There's a second page, so...reading, reading, reading. restless foot sounds from audience) Okay, Fay. Briefly, this is a legal document forbidding you to ever call, follow, stalk, or otherwise harass Mr. Leslie Neilson again. It says, (reading) 'Yes! THAT Leslie Neilson! Star of numerous movies, including 'Airplane' and others - which included co-stars such as some dude named Oh Jay something or other and Ms Priscilla Presley (from audience, 'Thank ya, thank ya very muh...' security guard grabs Elvis impersonator - some woman wearing an enormous gold key and a gigantic tiara, and puts her out the door) 'And YES! The same Leslie Neilson who married Dorothy Zbornak in the final episode of 'The Golden Girls'! Yes! Tha...
Fay - Okay, we get it, Cassie. Uh, I can't even cal...
Cassie - (reading) '...under threat of arrest', Fay; that's what he says.
Fay - Oh, well... Tiime for a commercial break, then I'll anounce my guests for today...
Be afraid...Mizzy, Jellz, Neonman, guy in green knit cap, Big Hairy-but cuddly-stiff-postured security guard...maybe more. Maybe more...
Stage hand slips an envelope to Producer Cassie 58. She opens & scans, reacts with horror and interrupts Fay gushing over a sobbing ShirleyF. "So sorry, Dear. You can sit in the front row and do your Elvis impressions anytime you want." I prom..."
Cassie58 - Fay, FAY! The hairless security guard just ran off Baby Blues, aka Baby Blues Rocks! What do I do?
Fay - Sorry listeners; it's an emergency! Which is my personal plea button on my loud-speaker? Oh, thank you, Cassie! Expect a bonus in this week's pay!
Cassie58 - Really, Fay?
Fay - At least DOUBLE what I paid you last week (Fay said, revealing her generous side).
Cassie58 - Buh... But, Fay?
(Fay turns to her loud speaker into which she says that stuff up there which the stupid writers put in prematurely. And two security guards grab and toss out the door the other security guard - the bad one who wouldn't allow Baby Blues into the set. He will never work in this town again.)
Fay - I'm (sob) so (sob) sorry, but we're all out of (sob) time...
Stay tuned for possible updates dot dot dot
Ian - Anyone seen my billiard cue?
HH - (little beads of sweat on his forehead) Nnnno. I haven't ssseen it for unnnhphzzsseve-er-ral dda-aays now.
Ian - It's funny how everyone takes our bantering so seriously; no one's figured it out yet. Just goes to show you how blind people are. Have a seat, my hairy friend and I'll pour you a drink. Nice toddy, okay or would you prefer a merlot?
HH - nnngh nooga fulg depiiiiiiinderstuf
Ian - Sherry it is!
Sin - Ppffttt! It's your falt (ignoring spell-chick) You hadda be nice to her; you hadda encourage her.
Jellz - Share the love! That's what PM Rudd tells us & we love the Rudd - ask Regwah, if ya don't believe me.
Sin - Pppfffft! But how do we stop her?
Giggles - (the mask drops revealing a different Sandy, a Sandy who is calculating and slightly devious; a Sandy who dot dot dot never dot dot dot giggles.) "Girls, I dot dot dot have a plan dot dot dot"
Jellz - Why ya saying 'dot, dot, dot' like that Sandy, girlie?
Giggles - I said that out loud question mark
Sin - Pffffffttt God help us.
(the sound of laughter echoes through the empty studio; it is a sound that sends ice water through the veins of an inadvertent listener. Cassie thinks to herself, "They should be afraid, very afraid," as she slips back out the door...