8 Fay's Talk Show starring Fay Koprah *( I )*?
Hiram was still refusing to say Grace; Gideon was still insisting that no one would eat a bite until their food was blessed. The tiny dancer was gliding around, twirling innocently all the while listening to conversations. Studman had given orders; he wanted to know the names of all who were plotting against his money...er, Fay! Yeah, Fay! One of the poets, some dude in a raggedy green knit cap was so hungry he was chewing on a piece of...it appeared to be plastic fruit. "Dang!, he said. (Actually, it wasn't 'dang'.) "It's lost its flavor after all these years!" he exclaimed, and that's when he grabbed for the salt. He shook the shaker but it wasn't the salt. The ballerina, twirling nearby, created the breeze that sent microscopic bits through the air and into Hiram's nasal passages. And thus came The Sneeze That Was Heard Around The World in Yahooland. The projectile nearly grazed the head of Koye Lott, who went into Marine mode and dove in the direction from whence it came. Thinking herself under attack, Sin grabbed the nearest thing - a generous handful of Gideon's Special potato salad - and threw it. Only three people in the warehouse had clean hands at the end; Koye, who didn't use potato salad as a weapon; Hiram, because Koye had him pinned to the floor and Ian, because...because he's Ian.
The mystery of Ian's missing cue stick was solved, although Hiram was unable to supply a satisfying reason for having stuck it.......there.
Back at the Harpok Yaf Studios Fay was deciding whose career to make or break - which of the Poets would be on her show - and which of them were to be ignored. And then...and then in came Gideon and the dainty ballerina; both were grinning widely. The ballerina, speaking first, said, "Fay, we have n..." as a chunk of potato salad fell out of her hair and landed with a plop on the tip of Fay's suede pump.
Today's guests are...heh heh heh (Fay will be busy for the next several hours - busy reading what the poets have written.) Stay tuned. Not even Fay's new writers know. Did Sue Ellen shoot J.R.? Do Sam and Diane get married? Will Carla finally admit she's in love with Cliff - only to learn he's gay? And what about Norm? (The new writers are old; they wrote for tv until they were forced to retire. Forced at gunpoint.)
Fay - Welcome friends! Put your hands together for our first guest, Intrusivity With Medium Doubt! (Applause, hoots, three carrots thrown with amazing accuracy glance off Intru's hat, oddly not knocking it out of place.)
Fay - Oh, Intru, I'm so sorry about that! But I was hoping at least one would knock off your hat! Tee hee! Is it just extra tight?
Intru - Polident, Fay! It stays on even when I'm deep-sea diving. You see I met Florence Henderson in a rest stop restroom some years ago, and...
Fay - She was in the Men's Room?
Intru - Nnn...Yeah! That's it! She was in the..er... Men's Room. But I was on my knees taking a peek...(thunderous applause, whistles, hoots)
Fay - Uh, wha?
Intru - Oh, noooo. No, no, no. Not that tiii...Uh, well ya see, Fay, I'd eaten this wormy, old Special K cereal bar and was taking a peek at my (retching sounds from the audience)
Fay - Fascinating! Go on...
We interrupt this program for this speci...ewww... uh, interruption!
Intru - Yes, Fay. That's what starting my log-spin....
Fay - Let's move along, Intru; I'd like to examine your 'orblettes'? Is that a poetry form anything like the current rage - the bukette?
Intru - Fay, they don't rhyme with 'filets' - neither one. And only one is a so-called poetry form; it's buck-ette, rhymes wi.....blip....t. And that reminds me, Fay, how'd you like to go for a ride on th..blip blip blip...bt and you and I cou..blip blip...that for about f..blip blip....
Fay -...................Well, blip!
Cassie's voice: The producers of the Kay Fokrah Show wish to apologize to anyone who may have been offended during the live broadcast of Fay's Tal...Oh, screw it...
Studman - Yeah, Fay! Gideon told me the pepper worked, so the potato salad wasn't needed. We got that stick dislodged from Hiram's *ss without laxatives. Maybe the big, hairy guy will be in a better mood now. Wha? Oh, they say he's been sitting all day, and Semp's been comforting him with some nice hyssop tea. I'll be home in a few, Dear. No, I didn't forget the Twinkies. Luv ya too...