What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever heard?

What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever heard? Tell me the funniest joke you know and whichever one is funnier gets best answers.

14 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Best answer

    This is a sex joke.Okay so a guy is near the end of his senior

    year in high school.

    Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger

    brother who is only 9 years old.

    One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They

    have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little

    brother is already asleep

    on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up

    to the top bunk. As you

    might expect things start to heat up.

    The guy remembers that his little brother

    is sleeping below so he tells

    his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants

    it harder and "tomato" if

    she wants a new position.

    Lettuce !

    Tomato !

    Lettuce !

    Tomato !

    Lettuce !

    Tomato !

    She screams.

    Lettuce !

    Tomato !

    Whoa !

    PULL IT OUT !

    PULL IT OUT NOW !

    I can't get pregnant !

    Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey,

    would you

    guys stop making

    sandwiches up there! You're getting

    mayonnaise

    all over my

    face !"

  • Brenda
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box. She keeps doing this until her neighbor asks her why she is doing that. The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail". ----------------------------------------... An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that." She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!" ----------------------------------------... The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

  • ???
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer and a porkpie. He drinks the beer, places the porkpie on his head and smashes it with his fist, then leaves. The bartender is confused about what just happened. The next day the same man walks into the bar, orders a beer and a porkpie, drinks the beer, places the porkpie on his head, smashes it with his fist and leaves. The bartender is now thoroughly nonplussed about why the man keeps doing this. On the third day the man comes back and again orders a beer and a porkpie. This time, however, the bartender tells him they're out of porkpies, so he orders a beer and a packet of cheese and onion crisps instead. He drinks the beer, places the packet of crisps on his head and smashes it with his fist. Just as he's about to leave, the bartender is overtaken by his curiosity and stops him. "Excuse me, sir, but why did you just smash that packet of crisps on your head???" the bartender asked, to which the man replied "Because you didn't have any porkpies."

    :D :D :D

  • 10 years ago

    Two men were in a car and the driver says to the passenger:

    "Stick your head out the window and check if my indicator is working"

    So the passenger sticks his head out the window and says:

    " Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..!!"

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  • 10 years ago

    Why does the Pope have frequent lunch breaks at Chuck E. Cheese's?

  • 10 years ago

    this little kid told me this joke and its not funny really but I laughed so hard he was like if you give me two quarters ill put them in my ears and listen to fifty cents bahahahahah

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Because seven eight nine

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

    Poker Face.

    (:

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    How do you crucify a spastic?

    Nail him to a swastika.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I am a hypocritical bully

    Oh, how I guffawed

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