What should I do with my life? I've been depressed for the past 12 years, suicidal thoughts for past 10 years?

I'm 24 years old now. I have over 100,000$ in the bank from playing against idiots in poker. I've exercised to the point where I told myself, either you go to the gym or you kill yourself, no compromise. And obviously I ended up swallowing 72 sleeping pills and being committed to a mental hospital. I was... show more I'm 24 years old now. I have over 100,000$ in the bank from playing against idiots in poker. I've exercised to the point where I told myself, either you go to the gym or you kill yourself, no compromise. And obviously I ended up swallowing 72 sleeping pills and being committed to a mental hospital. I was getting pretty good and girls were looking at me differently but it was hell, I preferred death. Why does LIFE SUCK SO BAD. Nothing ever seems worth it. Anyway, I want to try power hallucinogenic drugs like DMT, LSD. Because maybe i'll find answers there because I haven't been able to find them in the real world. Maybe someone has a brighter idea than suicide for me? Should I do DMT or not? Is it immoral, is it immoral to kill myself? I want to debate a lot of these issues, and maybe find an answer for myself. Thank you for your time.
15 answers 15