Girls please answer. Easy 10 points: Is this REALLY true about relationships these days?

I am a single 24-year-old man (I am not gay just for the record), and I find myself ready for a relationship again after a nasty break-up (another story entirely) yet slightly afraid of sex due to my ex using it as a bargaining chip and me feeling used (repeat: I am NOT gay, I just don't believe in the mantra "I got sex, who cares how it happened?").

Yet I was talking to a friend of mine a few weeks ago (she's my old flatmate, but I have never felt THAT way about her at all) and she happened to come out with this "the way you define relationship over friendship is that at some point you WILL have sex"

Seriously WTF?? Is THAT the ONLY way people define relationships these days? What about other kinds of intimacy? Romance, sharing your life with someone, connection, being together?

If what my friend said is true then I don't think I want another relationship (yes I AM being honest here). If someone I was with really TRULY cared about me as much as I cared about them then I wouldn't CARE if or when we had sex because I'd be too busy appreciating my good fortune.

In your opinion is my friend just speaking from her own opinion - she's single btw? Or has she hit the nail on the head? Thanks x

7 Answers

Relevance
  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Not to sound rude, but your friend's opinion is definitely off. Is she also a jilted lover of some sorts? Never-the-less, what she told you about relationships is purely just her opinion.

    Sex does not define a relationship. Sex does not turn a friendship into a romantic relationship. Also, NOT having sex with someone does not make them "just a friend". I think it is perfectly normal, and healthy, to have a romantic relationship that is not based in sex. Sex is an important, integral part of a mature, established, romantic relationship, but it's not the "end all and be all", so to say. Sex does not make or break any relationship and should NEVER be used as a bargaining chip - I'm so sorry you were subjected to that kind of treatment.

    The main difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship is love. There are many different types of love and the most important thing to realize is what type of love you have with each person in your life. We love our best friend differently than we love our girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse. None of these "loves" are governed by the presence or lack of sex. It is purely how the person makes you feel and the emotional connection that you both share. (Wow, that sounds really corny!)

    I am a 25 year old, Canadian woman who has been married to her best friend for 7 years. The past 7 years have been the happiest years of my life. Communication, respect, understanding and maturity from both parties are the key to having a lasting, loving relationship.

    If you can catch a woman who isn't a complete powder-puff-poodle (which is hard to find these days)...for God's sake, marry her! Best of luck in the dating world :) - B.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    Wow, you ask some interesting questions. From reading them, I have gathered you're not popular, good looking, charming, or socially accepted in most cases. You are however intellectual, insightful, and a lil humorous. - This is totally irrelevant to my answer. just puttin that out there!

    No relationships aren't bout sex. In fact, i know a teenage couple that have been together for years w/o sex. Yes they're teenagers, but if anybody has raging hormones that are hard to hold back it's a pair of teens.

    My fiance is a guy I met 3 yrs ago at a friends house n ended up sleepign w/ him that night. no it's not something i was proud of because that's not something I do, but it did end up for the best b/c we've been together ever since. WE have an amazingly open and honest relationship with great sex and i have no doubt that our good communication has a lot to do with the good sex. We don't have to be physical every night, but i can say that if we haven't in a few days we both feel distant from eachother. We dont necessarily need intercourse to feel close again, just any physical closeness. If i'm having a bad day and he hugs me for a long time, i can literally feel the tingles between us. I dont think relationship are based on sex, but i do believe that being physically close to somebody you love can feel great, whether you're doin it or not.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    While your little rant there is admirable in a weird sort of way, people are basically animals. The urge and need for sex is undeniable. If you don't have that need, or feel that you can do without sex in any form, then you're not normal.

    I don't mean that as an insult so please don't take it as such. Now the other things you say about relationships is dead on. You want to be with someone you care about, who is a good person and who you enjoy being with. That is certainly more important than sex, but to say you wouldn't care about having sex with that person is just wacky.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    No, it's not the only way. It's a bit simplistic to think that relationship is just friendship + sex; it ignores FWBs and any number of other relationship shapes. Maybe she has closer friendships or more distant relationships than most?

    You can certainly have a close relationship without sex, and vice versa. However, generally speaking, sexual people don't seek out asexual relationships, and sexual compatibility is very important if the default assumption of monogamy is held.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    No it's not true, cause if it was having a relationship and friends with benefits would be the exact same thing. What about being faithful? What about being intimate in a non-sexual way? What about doing things for the other person. I don't know many friends who have a romantic candle light dinner, buy each other flowers and then kiss all the time hahaaa x

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 3 years ago

    confident she likes you and misses you. It seems such as you had a great time, cherish the ideas you made together with her. be in contact yet do no longer close your self off to different relationship opportunities. i comprehend all of us says this yet you're nevertheless youthful and you reside some distance aside. continuously be truthful together with her approximately your thoughts, no longer purely approximately her yet approximately existence ordinarily. There are people who meet at your age and finally end up residing an prolonged invaluable existence jointly. on an identical time as others get their hearts broken or finally end up being existence long acquaintances. A broken coronary heart will mend yet you will possibly on no account forgive your self in case you do no longer take the possibility on her. do no longer plan your existence round her yet plan your existence so as that once you marry and have toddlers they might nicely be cared for and that they might nicely be pleased with you. she would manage to maximum in all probability continuously remember the time you get carry of to spend jointly. I nevertheless smile while i think of of my previous love and ask your self what would have surpassed off if I had carried out issues in a distinctive way. That grow to be over 30 years in the past.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 10 years ago

    i dont think sex should matter either, after youve been with someone a while who you really love then maybe you can have sex like making love or w.e lol, there was this one couple that were married for like 7 years and they didnt have sex cuz they have this wierd breathin problem kinda like ashma and finally they decided to have sex and they both died, but the point is they were happy with each other for 7 years with each other not having sex, soo i guess it shouldnt matter that much

    • Log in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.