Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 9 years ago

what are your thoughts on living together before marriage?

I don't think it's *necessary* (as some people put it) to live together before tying the knot IF two MATURE people are in love, committed to each other, and willing enough to make it work. Personally, my husband and I decided not to move in together until we were legally bound. We made sure before marriage we are on the same page regarding things that matter..I don't think I would date someone I found repulsive.

Having said that, I understand this is a very circumstantial issue and different people make different decisions. what are your thoughts?

Update:

saint: no one is sure...ever

Update 2:

for the record, Im not looking to justify my personal decision..

old's school: I know..but the way I look at it..you have to compromise in a relationship anyway. I think people analyze things way too much. just look the bigger picture and be grateful for what you have. everyone has flaws..in the end you love each other and it's not worth fighting over toilet seat and dirty laundry.

Update 3:

dark eyes: i think you're spot on. we did go into pre martial counseling..and i think that helped us both a great deal.

21 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Best answer

    Premarital counseling would be better than cohabitation with one another... There are too many issues that arise from being together, that when you're in the "warm and fuzzy" stage of marriage, that happen that people don't know how to address.

    People don't decide things like whether or not to have children, or how many.

    People don't know the others financial stability, or responsibility.

    People don't know how to have productive disagreements, and yell, cuss, scream at each other. They get no resolution, and keep arguing over the same thing. I think the BIGGEST thing people need to learn is to have a productive disagreement, and not a yelling match.

    People become complacent, they think of "being together" as a matter of geography, instead of doing things to keep each other happy.

    There are too many things people don't look at that has "the big picture", and I think it's mostly out of ignorance, not out of evilness.

  • Doctor
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    You made the right decision.

    You need to date a person long enough that you know whether or not you are compatible, before you possibly ruin their life by moving in with them. Living together as man and wife is a serious commitment that needs to be well thought out, and if you are that committed then you should marry.

    God forbids it for a good reason.

  • 9 years ago

    I think you'd better!

    Look, you can SAY you're completely in love and committed, and then the thousandth time he leaves his socks on the bathroom floor where he left it all wet from jumping out of the shower and then brushing his teeth and leaving the cap off and his black beard hairs in the sink, and you go ballistic yet again and realize he's never going to change and you just can't live this way.

    Or, maybe you can. But you won't know until you try it.

    And I guess *I* am old-fashioned enough to think that if you get married, it's a BIGGER and more permanent union than just living together.

    But, if you think marriage is just something you're going to do a few times in your life, do it your way.

  • 9 years ago

    I've seen some studies showing that those who live together prior to marriage have a higher divorce rate than those that don't. My brothers both live with their girlfriends and have very rocky relationships-not necessarily b/c they are living together. My wife and I lived together for 1 week prior to our wedding, simply b/c we closed on the house that week before and wanted to get all of our stuff in our house before the honeymoon.

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  • 9 years ago

    Not only did we decide not to move in together before marriage, we also decided to not have sex before marriage too! Neither of us were virgins and sex had ruined our past relationships so we decided together to wait till marriage. I wouldn't trade that fumbling awkward honeymoon for anything, it is fun to spend a week getting to know each other sexually!

    Call me old fashioned and I am fine with it! My 14+ year happy marriage says we are doing something right!

  • 9 years ago

    My husband and I lived together for several years before getting married. It helped us to get to know each other. There were a lot of problems early on because we come from different backgrounds - his family is full of people who clean compulsively, while my family is full of slobs. His family hated pets while mine always had multiple animals. We had to learn to work out compromises and split up household chores and come to an agreement on the pet issue. We also had to learn to adjust schedules, since he was a morning person and I was a night person.

    I think living together helped us. If we had gotten married without knowing all of our quirks, I think we might have been overwhelmed and felt like we made a mistake.

  • 9 years ago

    It is detrimental to marriage (see article below). "Getting to know each other" is what we do in the dating phase.

    When living together, each person always has a foot out the door. In the back of his/her mind, he/she thinks "Well, if things don't work out I can always move out and not have to worry about divorce." So, there is less likely to be compromise when the bad times come around. Living together is a relationship of convenience, not a relationship of commitment.

    With marriage, it is a "both feet in" scenario. The couple must work together to resolve issues.

  • 9 years ago

    Living together gives you the true indication of what marriage will be like.

    I mean, a stay over Dutch oven is only a one night thing...

    When you live together, you can do it every night for a month.

  • SueBee
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    It's a good way to find out if you can get along living together. It's much easier than getting married and then getting a divorce because you can't stand living with each other.

  • 9 years ago

    I think it would be better if you lived with that person before you got married so you would get used to the way they live. It would be terrible if you married somebody and then started living together and you realized that person is a total slob.

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