Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 years ago

I snooped around my daughters stuff and found something bad. What should I do?

She usually locks her room for some odd reason but today she forgot to when she went to starbucks with her brother for an hour. I went in and first of all, i was surprised at how disgusting the room was (I haven't stepped foot in there for years, seriously). But then I went to her backpack and found cigarettes and a journal that i DID READ but i flipped through it and saw some things that are inappropriate including drawings. Anyway, I know I wasn't supposed to snoop around but she is 16 and I have had a bad feeling about her for a long time so when I had the opportunity to go in her room, I took it. I am her mother!!! What do you suggest I do especially about the cigarettes?

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  • 9 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Recently my mother and I were chit chatting and she told me about the things she found when going through my bedroom (like I didn't already know). She said that she wished she hadn't been so noisy because in the end it hurt her more than it did me. Yes, she did find out some things that I wasn't supposed to be doing and prevented me from doing them. For example, she told me she found a note from my friend plotting a weekend away with boys but telling my mother I was staying at her house, she didn't let me go away that weekend. My mother said that for months after that my notes always included something about hating her for ruining my life. She said it broke her heart every time she read it, but she still couldn't stop herself.

    As for the smoking, are there sixteen year olds who don't smoke? I know I smoked in high school, but once I got to college it wasn't cool anymore so I quit. Just make sure she knows that smoking is bad for your health, illegal for minors, and that you hate it. Honestly, how are you going to prevent her from smoking? There's always a time and place away from parents to do the things they tell you not to do. If you make a big deal about it she's going to know that you invaded her privacy and broke her trust by going through her bedroom and that's going to be bad news.

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  • mystic
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    First off you are the mother. It is your house. Your rules. Nothing is offlimits to you in your own home. You should remove that lock. She doesn't need it on her room. She should learn to clean that room or lose the door too! She can change and such in the bathroom. But it's only locked when she's in there using the facilities. After you have full access to every nook and cranny in there too. If your daughter desires privacy and be treated like an adult she can get a job and move in her own place to set her own rules. I suggest you throw out the cigarettes first off. How you punish her is up to you. Don't take it personally if she says she hates you. She's only saying hurtful things out of anger. You're her mother she could never really hate you. And it's your job to keep her in line.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Being an 18 year old myself, with PLENTY of experience messing up and my Mom finding out about it... I think the best thing you should do is talk with your daughter about it on a day you're feeling calm and when it's just the two of you. You could ask her to have a mother-daughter day and you guys could go out to lunch or something and bring it up. Tell her you went into her room because you're her mother and you did out with good intentions. Your instincts were obviously right that something was wrong. Figure out how serious her habits are and whether she'll consider quitting. Maybe suggest a support group or something where she can address her problems.

    BTW I don't think you should read her diary in the future. That is her personal space to release her thoughts, and even if what she is writing is bad, it's not affecting anyone. Her actions are what you should be concerned about. Having to snoop to find out about them should be a last resort. You really should have tried talking to her more before going into her room.

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  • 4 years ago

    you have written a novel!!! on the tip of the day - you went right into a relationship with a self harmer, and tried to alter him. You theory you probably did effectively, yet now he has long previous returned. He has been in detention center beforehand, this is not a good place sort for a destiny relatives - i've got faith which you dont understand the full tale ?? Sorry, yet he's crying out for interest, yet he doesnt want it from you You cant replace this individual, and you dont could be in touch with him, with the aid of fact he has too plenty drama. There are adult males accessible which will love you and not desire to kill themselves! provide him a helpline extensive variety or councellor extensive variety (bypass with him and his relatives as an intervention) and then pass on which includes your existence

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  • 9 years ago

    do not tell her you snooped. that will make her very mad. i know this because my parents read my journal and didnt tell me but i could tell because it wasnt in the same place i put it because i am very organized. well, anyway, dont tell her. talk to her and ask if she is having any issues. maybe in a non discreet way, bring up during dinner how bad smoking is for you and under age inappropriate stuff. it might make her more comfortable instead of just bringing it up to her. maybe send her to a therapist and talk things out. i hope i helped, best of luck to you and your daughter (:

    Source(s): mee!!!
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  • 9 years ago

    I would say talk to her, she needs to be talked to before those cigarettes turn into drinking and weed. I say she need to be talked to and you need to make her talk to you ask her if she smokes and if she denys it show her what you found and just let her know that she can trust you in anything and that she shouldn't hide nothing from you.

    By the way im 18.(:

    Hope i helped some.

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  • 9 years ago

    sit down with her and show her the hard evidence about smoking with full on pictures showing lung disease or throat cancer or summin! Then ultimately she will make her own choice but as long as you have " talked" you have then tried to show her the "right" choice. Hope this helps. Good luck

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  • 9 years ago

    Be secret about it... leave a camera or something in her room so u can hear/see what she is doing or talking about behind that wall she might also be doing weed and having sex who knows only one way to find out just dont tell her you kno. Also ask the brother what he knows and tell him if he tells you he will get something

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Dont be mad with her- just act super dissapointed like when u tlk to her about them

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You NEED too be the mother and have a good talking with her.

    Take her door down..jk..you shouldn't allow her to lock her door.

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