Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 years ago

GIRLS: are relationships all about sex these days?

I mean, in general mainstream society today, isn't it sort of 'expected'/'normal' for a romantic couple to have sex? (hope the title doesn't sound sexist against women). I've never dated before (although i do have a huge crush on an Atheist girl I know), and I just don't understand, am I weird for wanting a relationship without sex? Is it an unrealistic desire?

I know different people do and don't want it, and I know it's not like every couple starts banging on the first night, but I've come to learn, it seems like just about every couple believes in and eventually makes love. Don't get me wrong, I find a pretty lady in a bikini very sexy, but I don't think to myself "I wanna get that girl into my bed!"

I doubt I will even ask her out, I'm too damned shy anyway, but I feel as if even if I had the guts, I'd be lacking something in her eyes, eventually. Or any girl for that matter.

My folks tell me to meet some nice Christian girls, but honestly, I find other Christians (I am a Christian) very annoying, and avoid them. Plus those Christian girls aren't the one I have a thing for!

I just feel so hopeless, what are your thoughts? Should I just forget about ever having love altogether?

Oh, I'm a 19yr-old male university student by the way.

19 Answers

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favourite answer

    No. A relationship should be about enjoying the time you have with that special person next to you. A man and a women should just be happy together. You don't need sex, if you do, then it's not a real relationship it's just disgusting lust.

    Life's too short, go for it. You sound like such a sweet guy :). Just begin a friendship first, talk to her and get to know her.

    I also understannd your issue about religion. I'm a Jewish girl, who fell in love with a Muslim boy.

  • 9 years ago

    hello there!

    to answer your first question: the answer is yes. all relationships require an active sex life to remain functional, healthy, and 'new'. this has always been the case with relationships.

    as for you wanting a relationship without sex, there is nothing wrong with that. everyone looks for something different in a relationship. your desire is not unrealistic. sex is not entirely essential for a happy relationship, but it certainly keeps the relationship "alive and going". you just need to find a girl that shares the same view as you. that is, if you really do feel this way. maybe the reason you seek a sexless relationship is because you're afraid of having sex? think about it.

    lastly, i would like to give you some advice with your women trouble. many guys are shy and afraid to approach a girl they fancy - it's entirely normal. even those guys who seem very confident tremble in their socks when they're approaching a girl they have strong feelings for. it's harder when we place the girl in such a high regard (i.e., she's very beautiful, talented, smart, popular, too good for me, etc). keep in mind that she is just a person, not a goddess or other supreme being. you need to start taking the steps of getting out of your shell now (while you're 19, still in college where there tons of girls) and make it easier on yourself in the future. what are you most of afraid of? being rejected, right? who doesn't get rejected? what's the worse that can happen? she'll say try again with a different girl. imagine yourself asking her on a date and her saying yes, how amazing would that be? it's possible..but only you can make that happen. trust me, asking a girl out gets easier. it's really not that hard. girls aren't too hard to please. they are just like us, except softer and they smell nicer. :) i really think you should ask this girl out on a date. good luck. i hope my answer has helped you even a little.

  • 9 years ago

    Don't give up on love! Relationships do seem like they are about sex because this world is stupid these days. It's called making love, isn't it? Not a contest for how many girls you can bang on. Sure, maybe if you are in a serious relationship, maybe you might have some casual sex, but nothing too intense. Follow your heart; it will tell you when you are in love. Strike up your confidence and get that girl. Time is ticking. You only have one life to live. Who cares what other people think. If you know that what you are saying is 100% true and you feel it in your heart, don't hold back. Please don't give up. You're too young. There's someone for everyone who deserves one.

    Best wishes.

  • 9 years ago

    No, you shouldn't give up on love! A love relationship for you would probably be best like this:

    You become really close friends and hold feelings of endearment and affection. You fall in love with each other. You get married, and sex is the icing of the relationship- not the cake. I'm sure you'll find someone, someday, that will be your best friend and better half. It just takes patience, and being open-minded, with your eyes open as well.

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  • 9 years ago

    Sex isn't just about, well, sex. It's about intimacy, it's about closeness, as well. Some people do take it to be just about mashing genitals together, but, you just seem like someone who is more interested in a person for who they are, not for, well, there junk.

    I have a feeling that once you felt a deeper connection to the person, you'd be comfortable with having sex, but there are people out there who just... Don't. You can also be intimate in other ways besides sex, but you'll never know if you don't try.

    Pluck up the courage and ask her out and see how the first date goes before you worry about sexing her. Also, be honest with the woman you're with, let her know when it comes up where you stand so she's not left wondering if you're not attracted to her, and she can decide for herself if she wants to keep going or not.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You will meet the right one, the girl who you can't wait to wake up just to see her gorgeous face blooming to the rising sunshine... That's what I feel about my girlfriend, I never think of her like an object for sex... but a beautiful girl who I love and fear to lose... I will like when we make love together, but I don't want to rush things because I think that ruins everything.

    And I understand you, I'm a Christian and my girlfriend is Agnostic Deist, and all the christian girls I met were obsessed of marriage and staying pure to God's eyes... wacko!

    I think religion has nothing to do with love because my best friend is dating a jewish girl for 15 months and they're a beautiful couple.

    Source(s): Own knowledge, go for my word.
  • 9 years ago

    You seem to be a guy with a lot of principles and i respect that. Good going.

    But you are just 19 and hormones can play in you, any moment.. maybe its just talking time.. anyway enjoy what life gives u now... and do not feel insecured for anything.. Your good attitude and mentality, will woo your gal anyways...

    all the best.

  • Donut
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Doesn't have to be that way. You have a rare personality, honest and respectful. So I give you props for that. Most girls who start having sex at a early age try to grow up to fast, and then they have horrible relationships. I'm sure you willcommunicate with a girl who will cherish your for not seeing her as a sex toy, will be happier than any sexually active her out there.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    when i date someone i wanna build up that trust and actually see if its going somewhere... the guy im dating now yes i do admit we have sex frequently and we did right away and i admit we shouldnt have... our relationship is about us and being together and loving every moment we have with each other... ask her out to a movie and dinner at your place and just be yourself or have a double date... plan something a friend who has a girlfriend... dont be shy...

  • 9 years ago

    I dont think Atheist and Christian would work out, and im not being like messed up in any way. Just does not seem like it would work. You asking this because your beliefs are no sex till marriage, but its different these days

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