Considering giving up my loan horse?
I part loan a fab horse who I look after and ride 2 days during the week and 1 day on the weekend. He's probably the best horse I've known, easy to do/handle/ride(altho typical arab he is occasionally fizzy).
Because I work full time I go straight from work on week days and now that the evenings are getting darker I'm feeling really depressed about going to the yard after work.
Its a nice friendly yard but I am usually one of the last to leave in the evenings. I didnt mind this in the light summer evenings but it feels really lonely and quite isolated when Im there on my own as the light fades. The yard owner does live next door but I don't know her that well, and everyone else is there earlier than me so leave before me too.
Im dreading the winter as I do have a bit of SAD so find the dark evenings hard even without a horse to consider, especially when come october it will be pitch black when I leave the office at 5pm. Then I will have to drive 30mins to the yard where almost no-one will be still there. I wont want to ride in the dark as although they have an outdoor school with floodlights, I almost came off a horse before at spooked at some shadows. There will be no-one there to watch me ride and they probably won't do lessons in the dark, I don't particularly like the instructor anyways. I am a happy hacker and go out almost all of my 3 loan days, either down bridlepaths or woodlands. This will be a definate NO NO in winter!
Part of what makes me depressed is that I hate my job, and I would love a job that has earlier hours, but it is difficult to look and apply for jobs between working 40 hours a week, approx 10-12 hours a week with horse, plus seeing my boyfriend. My mum says I should give him up for the winter so that I can look for a better job, then go back to him in the spring or find another horse. I think that would make me feel like a quitter, real horse lovers don't give up their horses for winter lol.
This time last year I had a different horse on FULL loan so would go up practically every day after work but he was on full livery so I didnt have to muck out, plus they had an indoor arena which was a godsend. I don't remember feeling daunted by the dark and winter last year.
Has anyone been in a similar sort of situation? What should I do?
Sorry its a bit of an essay, Im just feeling really confused about it at the mo.