Suddenly, I feel I have become smarter and matured...what could be the reason?
I am 26 but until about a year ago I wasp retty "dumb". LEt me explain: I would not know how to retort back even if someone attacked me (verbally I mean). I was not confident of myself( I have ,and I still am ,been pretty,so its nothing to do with looks). I used to go out of the way to help others until it struck me that ,the habit is making ppl to use me etc. lot of such things.
I basically, want to do some self-realization to see how can someone "mature" suddenly. I am female, if that matters. Any help will be great!
Yes, I feel intelligent too! I am able to get better scores in my classes, do my career better etc
@Benjamin, I know what you mean. What I mean to say is I was the kind of person that could not even defend oneself. So definitely this is a minus isn't it? Then slowly I got the capability to say things back especially when I am attacked, I have never received any help from all those friends whom I used to regularly help(selfish of them or me???) and many such things. That's why this question.
- tuesdayLv 79 years agoFavourite answer
Most little girls have an overwhelming need to be liked at all costs. Young girls can be spotted, beaming at everyone who crosses their path, greeting one and all with a chirpy 'hi'..! Wanting to please the masses, at their own expense, for some. As time goes by and girls mature, they become more confident and less concerned with others perceptions..they start to value their own. It isn't so earth~shattering when they aren't liked by every person anymore.
It's something that occurs to all females at one time or another. While there are still some female senior citizens who live for making sure everyone around them is happy and taken care of..and never take their own needs into account, for the most part, females become less consumed with pleasing others as they mature. Sometimes this evolution of the female..the new~found confidence, may result in loss. There are some (sometimes friends or bf's) that preferred the 'old' version. (Ha) The naive, gullible, all~trusting and clueless version was what they wanted in a friend/gf. When a female emerges from her fuzzy haze..starts feeling confident and learns she is valuable and deserves more..that can cause a problem for others who want the doormat they used to push around. Knowing that choices will have to be made for ones greater good is important. Regressing back to an earlier, less evolved point because some people don't like it is not the answer. If ones inner circle really loves them, they WANT them to grow, mature and learn. Remember that.
The ever~present burning desire to be liked by all is not realistic and self~sabotage in my opinion. I believe in treating others as I want to be treated..but if that isn't good enough, I don't stress too much about it. It's ok to not remain close with others who've harmed you..or dropped the ball. It's freeing to not cling to one~sided relationships out of a self~imposed desire to be liked.
Sounds like you've had a few experiences that have been profoundly life~changing. You've had a chance to size up others around you..and your female intuition is kicking in. It's something you'll rely on in your lifetime so hone it. Pay attention to your gut and never disregard your inner radar. You've realized that some of the people who surrounded you may not have had your best interest at heart and were opportunists. It happens. But learning from these situations is the answer..and you have. (Sounds like). Hone it and learn to detect when another is coming from a good place vs having ulterior motives. Setting boundaries is necessary so one is not used and abused. Predators are always going to be around. It's best when we can learn to spot them early and distance ourselves. Predators are drawn to the people who are not capable of setting boundaries.
Burn me once..shame on you.
Burn me twice..shame on ME.
Learning from our negative experiences changes the negative to a positive. Being wiser, sharper and more aware is all part of maturing and evolving. You're on the right track. No great mystery. It means you're growing up.
- Sun is Shining ❂Lv 79 years ago
Well, the capacity to look inwards, reflect, and change is an unusual skill. These things also build on themselves, by which I mean that you have had insights which have led to other insights, and these are building within you. So, as you become more 'emotionally intelligent' with your insights, and, as more of your emotional field can be freed up (as it isn't dealing with as many energy losses as before - which is what happens when we have poor boundaries), you have a better change of flourishing as an individual, which includes your IQ rising (as you know more, literally).
- Terra NovaLv 79 years ago
With all due respect, I don't see what is mature about being more ready to argue with people and less willing to help them.