I miss my dog so much and I can't wrap my head around why he died!?

My beautiful 13 yr. old lab died so suddenly out of the blue... I was just thinking the other day how well he had been doing and how it would be impossible to live without him. Then a day later he dies after a walk. I have had him for more than 1/2 of my life... he was my whole childhood... I just feel like no one... show more My beautiful 13 yr. old lab died so suddenly out of the blue... I was just thinking the other day how well he had been doing and how it would be impossible to live without him. Then a day later he dies after a walk. I have had him for more than 1/2 of my life... he was my whole childhood... I just feel like no one understands... its just so hard because i don't think he knew he was going to die either and i am so worried that he was scared and needing me to help him in the 10 minutes that he was dying in the yard... i tried, but there was nothing i could do to revive him... i had to watch him suffering with his eyes open and tongue hanging out and like not breathing.... he was basically my whole world... the only other family i have is my mom and grandma... the rest of my family are dead... i just miss my beautiful dog... i felt like he was the only one who understood me and now i feel so alone... i keep having anxiety when i think of living without him....he was not just a dog to me... we did absolutely everything together... every trip basically i took, he was in the car with me....

i've read all the websites and the rainbow bridge poem but none of it helps... it was just so sudden...one second he was taking a walk and the next he was dying in my yard... the worst part of it is i don't even know why he died... he was so healthy in spirit... yea he was older, but he was active and playful and always eating...i just keep thinking what i could have done differently and if i killed him somehow by feeding him something wrong or not noticing some sign...
Update: the worst is i feel like i never got to say goodbye and never got to tell him how much i loved him... it just all feels so unfinished, so quick and horrific... i wish i could have told him it was going to be okay and that he was so so loved... i told him i loved him as he was dying but i was panicking and screaming... show more the worst is i feel like i never got to say goodbye and never got to tell him how much i loved him... it just all feels so unfinished, so quick and horrific... i wish i could have told him it was going to be okay and that he was so so loved... i told him i loved him as he was dying but i was panicking and screaming for someone to help me and i am worried that he heard me panicked and that it made him scared when he was dying...
Update 2: This is my second dog loss... i was really young when i lost my first beautiful dog (4th grade) and i remember feeling really sad... he was a rescue and we got him when he was 7... i loved him dearly... i remember we got a new dog and that helped the pain go away.... i still always talk to that dog up until this... show more This is my second dog loss... i was really young when i lost my first beautiful dog (4th grade) and i remember feeling really sad... he was a rescue and we got him when he was 7... i loved him dearly... i remember we got a new dog and that helped the pain go away.... i still always talk to that dog up until this day...

my dog that just died has been with me since the 4th grade to 23 yrs old... he was with me during middle school, high school, college and college graduation.... it just is so hard because even though we didn't talk to each other with words, we were always communicating with our eyes and kisses and hugs.... he always looked to me to take care of him and fix his boo-boos but i feel like i let him down... he was really one of the loves of my life... i feel like i have lost my entire heart.. and i know people say getting another dog will help, but my dog never liked to share my affection... he was shy with other dogs and got sad when i was paying attention to others...
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