Insecure: I am too shy to talk in class. I desperately need help!?

im in 8th grade and im shy in classes but a different person with my friends. I am very affraid of how people are going to accept me. What if they dont hear me when i talk

? What if they think my question was stupid? I know im being negative but i cant help it. I was born in europe and moved to united states in 5 th grade so my english is good, but not the best ( that what i think). The shyness is getting on my nerves becuase teacher might grade me on participation

1.) how should i be more social in class?

2.) how should i be confidednt on askig questions in clas?

3.) how to loose my insecurity?

PLUS when a teacher asks a question i know the answer ( it always turns out its the correct one) but i am too shy and insecure to ask it HELP!

30 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favourite answer

    I'm not gonna lie to you, sometimes 8th grade can suck. For most schools here in the U.S. it's the year right before you go to high school and a lot of stuff is going to change. Despite the fact that you think that your shyness comes from having moved from Europe I feel that it's normal for you to feel shy and insecure at the age I was a new kid to and I understand what you feel and even though I moved here five years ago I STILL feel like a new kid sometimes.

    First off, I know this might not be what you wanna here but, who cares if people think your question is stupid. Trust me on this, if there is something you do not understand in class you need to raise your hand and tell your teacher and ask them questions, if you don't feel comfortable enough doing this yet, then approach your teacher after class or before or after school if you can and ask them then. I have found that sometimes it is easier to approach a teacher when you are alone with them. While asking a "dumb" question may embarass you right then and there because once again I'm not gonna lie to you people will most likely laugh. I think failing the class because you didn't have the courage to raise your hand and ask questions will make you feel worse. Trust me it has happened to me before in my physics class. My teacher will explain something and I won't understand he'll explain it again and I still won't understand so I raise my hand and my classmates laugh at me, but honest to God I don't care because the feeling I get of actually understanding something in that class is soooo much better. So now to answer your questions.

    1) You wanna be social but not too social. If you talk too much in class your teachers will not like you! Well... unless it's debate class or something. Be respectful to your classmates that way they will most likely respect you in today's world respectfulness is something you will rarely find, your classmates will find this peculiar and will perhaps be impressed and talk to you more. Maybe do a little research find out what's popular. What your classmates like. I'm not saying to completely follow the crowd and to be unoriginal, you can still like whatever you like, just look into there interests and see if you pick up a new hobby and perhaps meet a new friend by it.

    2) I kind of addressed this already, it's normal to feel unconfident at your age.I'm going to tell you the truth, this isn't something that I can teach you to do, you kind of learn this as you get older. There's a point you will reach in your life when you realize there are a lot of more important things than constantly worrying what people think of you. My best advice would be to ask your questions after class if you don't feel comfortable doing it in the middle of class. Your teacher will appreciate your courage of approaching him or her and asking questions and later on if you do this enough, he or she will have picked up your learning style and believe it or not they will rephrase what they teach on their own to fit your learning style. It happens, I've seen it.

    3) The best thing to do, or at least that I do is laugh too. Yeah, it's true sometimes my questions aren't brilliant and yeah it may have been something the teacher just went over 20 times, but could he do it 21 times? Cause I still don't get it. It may be stupid and embarassing but at least I know I understand now so who cares? Trust me, people will respect you more for asking the questions you need to really ask.

    My last few pieces of advice are to make a friend. Who cares if it's just one, and Sally may or whoever is in your class has 23? As long as it's one good friend it doesn't matter. Perhaps when you have one you can try for two? You may be suprised to find that some people are shy like you, but these people mostly hide it. You can do it too. The only way to becomes less insecure and shy is to overcome your fears. How do you do this? By confronting them, you go up to a large group of people and talk to them, after all the worse they could do is ignore you, and yeah while that might feel bad, imagine how it would feel if they bit your head off? Hahaha, only joking. My point is that there is nothing to be afraid of except continuing to be shy and reserved, you're gonna miss out on a lot of potential friends if you keep that up.

    Take it from experience. I know it's hard best of luck on that. I know you can do it!

    God Bless,

    v_vikings. :)

    Source(s): Me.
  • 9 years ago

    I used to have the same problem. With my friends I was always joking around and speaking out but when it came to teachers or the people I didn't talk to normally I would basically whisper. Its called a comfort zone. Try to relax. Whats the worst that could happen? If you answer a question wrong people wont mind. It happens to everyone. Try to speak out a little bit more and each time try to get a little louder but don't shout like. Lol. I promise nothing bad can happen and hey you might even make some new friends without being so nervous. I hope everything goes okay for you and good luck.

    Source(s): Personal Experience.
  • 9 years ago

    I had this problem for a long time and still struggle with it. I hate the times when I actually try to answer the question and it's wrong but usually when I don't answer it my answer is right. Sit in the front of the class. It's easier to speak up (especially if you have a quiet voice) when you are within the teacher's hearing distance. Or if you're not comfortable with sitting in the front, you could sit in the back and ask the classmates next to you a question or two that you think might be a "stupid" question. Just make sure that you don't get caught for talking. You could also ask your teacher questions after class. Hope this helps, and the best of luck to you :)

    Source(s): experience
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I used to be very shy myself. Whenever I had to do a presentation in front of the class I would play sick because I was so nervous to get up there and do it. I found that you need to be more focused on what the class is about then what everyone else in the class is thinking or doing. If you studied a little harder read a little more you will know what the teacher is speaking about. When you have the confidence in your answer it will make presenting it to the class so much easier. The older you get the easier it will become to be social. Your still young I suggest getting into sports or some youth groups this type of social interactions will help you in every aspect of your life. Those social skills built outside of class in addition to you knowing and caring about the school work will tremendously increase your confidence. Best of luck I know its not easy but it gets better I promise!!

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  • Sally
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    Wow it sounds like you feel locked in a cage! I really feel for you and i have struggled with all the same things you are going thru. There is alot of help for this. The first thing you should know is that this is a chemical thing happening in your brain , thats why you feel like its not the real you. There are alot of drugs that can help SO MUCH like paxil or zoloft or if maybe you have more than just social anxiety going on different medications. Dont be afraid to try them they wont change you they will just make you feel like the thorns are being pulled out of you and you can interact with people with ease and not second guessing urself and fighting off all the critcal voices just to keep up with a conversation then wondering if that person could tell you were being wierd...and on and on. i HIGHLY encourage you to try seeing a doc. most can help you with this pretty easily and it will be such a relief to you. Its actually pretty cool that you are about to go to college because it could be like a new beginning for you. People are alot nicer in college as well and you have a fantastic chance to reinvent yourself as ...YOURSELF! I wish you alot of luck but i know you will be able to do this because even your family doctor can prescribe something for social anxiety... if its a bigger issue they will know to send you to see someone else. Tell your parents or whoever that you want to see your doctor to talk over some stuff if you cant be open with your fam. it shouldnt be to hard. your doctor will have seen this many times you are not the first and wont be the last.Good Luck you sound like a sweet person that is just about to blossom into a happy relaxed popular person!

  • 9 years ago

    Heyy! im in 8th grade and moved to a different city last year. I learned to adapt to the new surroundings. To be more social you should answer questions that the teacher asks. You should ask questions because people will start asking you questions. You can loose your insecurity by talking to a mirror. Yes, it sounds stupid but i dance on a competition and nationals team and to practice our faces on stage we are told to do it in a mirror. This will help. Imagine yourself lets say in the classroom asking the teacher a question in front of a mirror! Also, to make more friends find same traits you have and join a sport! I joined kickline and if i didnt i wouldnt know/ have the same frinds i do know. You will boost your popularity by this. Hope this helps! Dont be scared!

    Source(s): me,myself,and I :*
  • 9 years ago

    first of all, i am/was like this, but i am getting better!

    1.) maybe you should just join in conversations and see how that goes

    2.) I did this and it really works, try it first in a class where there is a really strict teacher where people are more scared to play up. Then you can see what people like do when you ask a question, but they wont say anything because they are scared of the teacher saying something. After this you will feel more confident in doing it in all classes!

    3.) you cant lose it, you just try to push it to the back of your mind, because the reality is, everyone messes up and asks silly questions sometimes, and they are sometimes pretty funny. (the other day in my class, someone asked if shakespeare was still alive -.-) < dont ask questions like that and you will be fine! :)

  • 9 years ago

    Don't worry about what other people think. I know its easier said than done but they really wont even exist in 2 years. Besides you don't have to answer every question. Practice start out with like 1 question a day in class and raise it until you feel confident enough for more. And trust me accents are really cool nobody will make fun of you for your English they probably would think it's cool.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I used to be the same, it was very annoying during my time at university. I don't have any easy fix on becoming more social, behavior like that is so rooted and will take time to "cure". Just try to relax and joke around, don't force yourself to change overnight.

    When it comes to answering questions in class you should try and overpower the part of your brain that tells you to be quiet. In reality you are there to learn and get good grades, everything else is secondary. I solved my shyness by bombarding it with logic, i told myself that in order to get where i want in life this is something i have to do. To hell with it if some random classmate perceives me as dumb, i got plenty of chances to prove that person wrong.

    I can't speak for you, but my insecurity came from being outside of my comfort zone. As i encouraged myself to speak and discuss more in class i became more relaxed and eventually felt like i "belonged" there. Once you get that feeling the insecurity just disappears.

    Source(s): Personal experience
  • 9 years ago

    Oh my god! I had the same problem as you. I moved from Europe to the USA and was always shy in class. I was the smart one and always knew the answer. I moved in sixth grade and like the most popular guy in our class and maybe even school liked me and asked me out to the valentines dance. But, i was like NO! I still regret it. So, after i git to seventh grade i started talking to the more shy people like me. They were nice and became my friends. After a while I started hanging out with them and their friends and that's how i got in their friends circle. Everybody loves me from there. And in class you can always make friends with a couple of people who will laugh at your comments and jokes even if sometimes they don't make sense.

    I hoped it helped you, because this is how i got through it.

  • 9 years ago

    First, relax! your over thinking it!

    1) okay if something happens during class or anything you would really say to your friends just say it to the person next to you. you might feel like its really akward and they thiinkn your weird but they are not1 they are probably actually glad someone will talk

    2) Okay this one takes time to getting used to and i know everyone says this but theres always at least one other person in the class wondering the same thing but they are just to scared to ask. Nobody will think anything of it either because they all are wondering things too and just pretend your alone with the teacher and no one is watching. the teacher is always understanding

    3) just know that not everyone is watching you so carefully as you think. i used to be really insecure about it too and i always felt like all eyes were on me but i realized im over thinking it.

    i hope this helps, my friend is just like you and hes so shy he even stutters. he used to stutter talking to me but now he does not because he has gained confidence and hes always scared about talking to the teacher in class but the teachers are always understanding and if he saw from the other students perspectives he would realize he should not be that insecure but he is. its no big deal and all you have to do is practice.

    Source(s): my friend i was talking about but i was like that too in 8th grade but now im not, heck im close friends with a girl i met in the school bathroom! :p good luck!
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