How should I handle boyfriend not wanting to show me his financial statements?
I have been seriously dating my boyfriend, we talk marriage, we are both in our late 30s never married before. I am relatively well off, own multiple properties. He rents a cheap room, has no expenses other than gas and food and the rent, works full time, but is always griping that he's broke and lately I have been giving him money.
We've been fighting a lot lately because I accuse him of hiding his money or else lying about his financial situation. He never pays for our dates, I don't know how he can be that broke when he makes about $2400 after taxes each month and his rent is $600 and the other expenses are food and gas yet I pay for my half on dinners or else cover his too and now he asks for gas money and little by little more.
I finally asked that he show me his bank statements because he said I am insulting him by picking apart his bank statements. I just don't want to be suckered and used. His response was that he can't show me them, that I either believe him or think he is a liar. How should I proceed? Do I just blindly take his word on it?
Correction: Should read: I am picking apart his finances, not bank statements.
What bothers me is he's making it look like I'm the one into money, pretending I"m embarrassing and insulting him about his financial situation when I have never taken a penny from him and on top of it I'm the one giving him money! I don't know how to successfully handle this as far as getting to the truth of the matter.
- EducatedLv 78 years agoBest answer
I am going to say what you don't want to hear. I am 32 and a woman. And I honestly think you need to break up with him.
1) men usually do not like to be with a woman who makes more than them. They feel better with a woman who makes the SAME or less then them. So you need to find a man that makes just as much as you or thinks he makes as much as you.
2) a man hiding his financial records from you AND never paying for dates AND complaining he is broke AND accepting money from a woman means he is in DEBT and does not know how to manage money. That is why he is hiding his financial records from you...he doesn't want you to see how much he is in debt!
I would run, don't walk, away from this man immediately! Never expect him to pay you back and stop giving him money! He is in debt and mismanages his money, I guarantee it, and therefore will never be able (or willing) to pay you back even if he agreed it was a loan. So just pick up and move out or stop accepting his calls if you don't live with him.
And go by Steve harvey's book "Act like a lady, think like a man". Not the 2nd book, buy the 1st book which is that exact title. You really need a man's advice on how men think and act! Best book I ever read.Source(s): PS I have a BF who is 29 turning 30. He owns his own home and has a good job. He does not hide his financials from me and never tries to. Also he makes MORE money than me and he knows it. And he pays for 99.99% of all our dates and we have dated for 2+ years now. BF also owns his own 3 br house and lives alone. I won't live with a man unless at least officially engaged. LAST BF also owned his own home and made more money than me and paid for 98% of all our dates.
- Hellz KellzLv 68 years ago
I wouldn't take his word for it, and I would also not give him another dime. It does sound like he is using you. If he starts laying guilt trips on you, and gets mad at the fact that you will not give him anymore money, then he is indeed using you.
- Sue BLv 78 years ago
Well, your not even engaged, so really, it's none of your business. Is it his fault you GIVE and pay for all the dates? NO, that's your fault.
If you really care about this guy, then STOP giving him money for anything. Period. If he doesn't like it, say, well, I have no idea where all your money is going and I just as soon keep track of mine.
Just because he's never been married, maybe he's having to pay for child support on a kid or kids he doesn't want to talk about? OR if he had big debt, maybe he's having to pay it all off and feels it's not your place to have to know this, since your not even engaged.
Maybe he does drugs and you are blind to this.
But as for my opinion, since your not engaged, it's really none of your business.
- BadgerLv 68 years ago
If your intuition is telling you to do it then tell him to show you and don't feel guilty! Finances are one of the main reasons relationships fail and this needs to be discussed and agreed on before you begin to consider marriage. It shouldn't be that big of a deal for him to show you unless he's hiding something.
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- The Truth HurtsLv 58 years ago
If this relationship is getting serious and there have been talk of marriage--you absolutely have a right to know his financial status because if you do end up marrying him-- everything merges together. If you boyfriend has huge debt (unpaid credit card bills, loans,or whatever else) it will affect you. Your good name, good FICO score, years of being a responsible adult when it comes to paying your bills and taking care of your finances will be washed down the drain. It would be disastrous for you.
If your boyfriend can't be honest with you right now--he may never be honest with you when it comes to his finances. You could have a talk with him and tell him (as a last ditch effort to save this relationship) to see if he would come clean about this. You may want to give him a chance to get his act together, but if he doesn't-- I would move on. If I was in your shoes, I would feel if he is lying and hiding this from you--what else could he be hiding as well? Please protect yourself. You have a right to be troubled over this.Source(s): Life
- AntstLv 78 years ago
This does sound strange. If I were you, I would not be considering marriage.
Don't get me wrong... People have all kinds of different ways of dealing with finances in a relationship, and that's fine. For example I know people who regularly pay for the other person's meals and other expenses without even thinking about it. I know people who share everything. I know people who keep their finances as separate and private as possible. Whatever you are comfortable with is fine.
If you're not a millionaire, it is reasonable that you don't want to pay for everything. I would feel the same way.
BUT... I think you are being too hasty and focusing on the wrong problem. The problem is that you don't trust your boyfriend. Also, I'm guessing that you're losing respect for him because he seems so incompetent financially. The problem is NOT that he won't show you his statements...
In fact, I don't think it is appropriate for you to ask to see his statements. I understand why you want to, but he is a grown man and he has the right to some privacy. He may also feel belittled that you want to check over his records like an authority figure. This isn't a criticism of you. I'm just saying that it is not surprising he is digging in his heels. OR he may have a secret drug addiction or prostitute habit or gambling habit... Think about these unpleasant possibilities.
Here's my advice.
First of all, DO NOT go into marriage without FULL disclosure from him about his finances. At the point you are actually serious about marriage, you need to feel certain that you know his financial habits. Otherwise don't get married because don't forget that his credit becomes yours and if he gets himself into trouble, you'll be liable. I understand this advice seems to conflict with what I just said in the paragraph above (don't demand his statements). I guess what I'm saying is that he needs to be ready to share that information, and if he isn't, you guys should not marry. Does that make sense?
It does sound like he is trying to deflect your attention by turning on you and making you feel like you're doing something wrong.
I think you need to focus less on the financial statements and more on your goal--having a relationship where you trust each other. My gut feeling is that you shouldn't marry him. Good luck.
- 8 years ago
You are obviously in a one-sided relationship. That he refuses to show you is an answer in itself. I would personally look into drug addictive issues.
- MikeLv 78 years ago
Sounds like a marriage made in heaven. Look, just because you're in your late 30s and have never been married, don't get married out of desperation. Your doubts sound reasonable. Walk away. There may be a good guy out there. If not, stay single rather than take a chance with a bum.
- Anonymous8 years ago
don't take his word! he is using you and you need to tell him that he makes enough money on his own and that you will leave him if he doesn't start being honest. even if you were not in the picture he makes enough without anybody else helping him. matter of fact he makes more then a lot of independent people. gosh he is so full of crap! seriously
- dadnbobLv 78 years ago
What to do now is hard to say. Maybe don't give him more money til he shows you his financial papers. But whatever you do don't marry him without a prenup!!!!