In love with my soul mate...who's already married...what should I do?
I've known this other person since I was a boy and we were always just friends. Buddies. Connected but not a super-deep connection. I mean, she's gorgeous but I never looked at her like that. She has the much talked about "smile that could light up a room." And she's silly, goofy....fun. I went to this friend's wedding and was happy for her...I have pictures in one of my photo albums. We've stayed in loose contact over the years after she moved away but nothing that would suggest a deeper connection.
About 2 years ago we started emailing and chatting again. I was involved with someone at the time and my friend was still married. We talked, talked some more, emailed frequently....and something changed. I'm not sure what it was but it did. An frankly, on paper, I had the best girlfriend in the world. We had a lot of fights, but some good times as well and her family was (is) great. And yet...the missing piece I found in my longtime friend. It was more than a missing piece. It was almost like I had been living in a dimly lit room all of my life and was used to it and suddenly someone showed me the sun. Cheesy, right? I swear it to be true.
This was more than the standard getting reacquainted with someone. I know, I know...it's been said before. But all I can really say is that it was different. I've been in love before, had my heart crushed before...and it's surprisingly hard for someone who's supposed to be good with words to express this feeling, this connection. I was honestly a bit scared, and she admitted so was she. Where was this before in our lives? Did we have to go through everything else to get to this point?
But it's not all about us. She is not in a place to simply readjust her family. She's not that type of person. And I THOUGHT I was not the type of person to suggest such a thing. I broke up with my girlfriend at the time....it was horrible, but I was living a lie: I thought I loved her (girlfriend) but had never felt such a connection as I did with my old friend. Or anyone else. Ever.
In truth, I hesitate to use the phrase "soul mate" as it gets thrown about a lot and how on earth could I know such a thing? I've actually asked my friend if I should stop contacting her as it's making her life more complicated. It's very, very hard for me not to think of her and I swear I can feel her from my desk here. In fact, I don't really actively "think" of her but she's there in my heart.Yet she has a lot going on and I struggle with trying not to be selfish about this; she has her own things to deal with and I'm not helping the situation.
I actually haven't physically seen her in just about a year. I've dated other people since...but again, I honestly was thinking of her when I kissed a woman I was seeing. Could I be with someone else? I could...but it would be like the proverbial gay partner staying with their straight spouse because they love them as a person but not that deep, emotional, spiritual connection. Bad analogy, I know, but it's the best I can do.
Is it infatuation? Been there before and I don't think so. Could be. But for all of this time? And if I could only express the depth of this feeling....it's literally changed how I view the world.
I confessed to someone close to me about this and was shocked to learn it's something he's known for years. He asked me directly why my friend and I never got together as he's seen us interact before and could tell. He then told me another person who knows us both wondered the same thing. Have I been so blind?
This is going to sound selfish, but...she's not happy. Not truly. But who would change their family life just on a feeling? People could be seriously hurt. I know I should just leave her alone until she gets things sorted out but would you stop talking to the love of your life?
I don't know what to do.
Mitt: In a way I hope I do. It's more than a bit melodramatic, isn't it? And I definitely have written better than this.
sheloves_dablues: I would have agreed with you not that long ago, but I'd be curious to know how many people feel they've truly married their "soulmate"
Eric L: I have no illusions that things would be "perfect." I've made plenty of mistakes (maybe putting this all out there is one of them?) and have more than one flaw as far as I can tell. Where there's a will there's a way, but at this point, you're right: I have nothing real to base it on other than having known her over 2 decades
bruce d: You have me cracking up at my desk. It is silly, isn't it? And for the record, I never really watched Oprah
They Don't Like Me: Sometimes there are o