A guy in an open marriage?
I met a guy in a club a couple of months ago. We danced and I found myself drawn to him. He was really sweet and respectful. When we went out of the club heading our ways and I couldn't get a cab, he offered me to go to his hotel (already told me he is from abroad and there only for the night). After clearing I'm not the kind of girl to have one night stands he declared he's not inviting me for sex and I agreed for some reason.
At the hotel we talked, I told him I'm a virgin at 20, we made out, but he respected my boundaries and I went home in the morning. We contacted each other, he told me he is going to be in my town regularly and we agreed to meet again.
I got to know him more through virtual interaction. We met again, with him I felt incredibly comfortable, at ease, something I never experienced with a guy. He did ask me about sex related topics, I answered him openly and towards the night I accepted his invitation to go back to the hotel and I lost my virginity to him. The attraction was very powerful, it felt right. He was great, painful for a bit, really pleasant overall.
To be fair, some things I found out did indicate he is lying, but I really didn't want to know. I just went with the moment. The next day we met and went out again. I confronted him about one of the things that didn't seem right if he was single as he said. Right away he confessed. Told me he has a wife, she was sexually abused as a child, so they are in an one-way open marriage so he can be satisfied sexually, she wants to know nothing about it. They have two young children (he is 25). Of course, apologised, told me he feels so guilty for lying to me, taking my virginity, etc.
I really didn't feel used. Inside I knew there is something and went through with it realising that. I made my choice. I told him we can meet as long as I am single, no commitment whatsoever. I really want him, he's good in bed and I feel great around him. I don't believe I'm in love, but I really like him.
We continued to talk through the time he was away, sometimes through all the night. He made it clear he doesn't plan on leaving his wife now or in the future. No promises of love, but he extremely likes me and wants to show me a great time in the bed. Tomorrow he is coming again, one day earlier just for me, we agreed on the details of our meeting.
But I still doubt if it is worth it. I really want him, but I am aware I can fall in love and get hurt badly. The possibility he would be with me is extremely low. Anything can happen, but I am not counting on it. I try to view it as temporary fun until I meet someone I could have a future with. And seeing him still feels right. I am so confused. Maybe your take on this and thoughts could help me decide.
- jryanwinterhavenLv 57 years agoBest answer
I think that you have a very healthy perspective and as long as you feel comfortable with him the two of you should continue to see each other. You question if it is worth it but spent nearly all your description describing why it is worth it. Don't fall into the trap that you have to feel you need to conform to norms.
The only issue that you described that could cause serious problems is the fact that he deceived you about something very important (though you continued to get to know him better). Honesty in this type of non-monogamous (and that is what it is) relationship is critical for the both of you. And if this relationship turns into something less temporary then eventually you will need to talk with his wife (and he should know that). You don't need to be open about the sex but you do need to be open about the relationship. Otherwise this could end in a flash and leave you high and dry (but only if you want something longer term). You both also need to talk about (from time to time) what either of you want to do if you (or he) get more emotionally involved (maybe love).
It doesn't need to end thing if you both (or just you) fall in love as long honesty and trust exist. Keep in mind though that this is a non-monogamous relationship and both of you could have other sexual partners and the only obligation is that both of you are honest about it. Even if the two of you don't have sex with anyone else for the foreseeable future - it is still a non-monogamous relationship structure.
I wish the both of you the best.
- 3 years ago
What sucks is men have their outlet relating to these things... They just turn on porn. Most ladies wouldn't have any outlet for their sexual/relational retailers. That's why ladies in general wind up filing divorce, or proposing things like this. It's easier to work off sex disorders than emotional disorders. Emotional problems need a 2d celebration, intercourse problems do not. After all, I believe that is indicative of a brand new kind of double regular. He spends all day watching at different females, yet is not going to let you go after another guy. Despite the fact that he can go after a different girl. He will have to simply get himself a lady friend, and you a boyfriend, and have a blast. But guys are just special like that. They are glad spending all their time in their heads. Women need the true deal though. So I say go for it, and if he does not like, and you are still sad, then move on. However don't bother getting married again. Humans should not get married at all. This used to be a convenient factor of the prior, when women had been property and weren't allowed to work or have money, but matters have modified. There needs to be an adjustment of law, a provision for legal commonality that is near marriage, but not rather. Close original law, however more respectful of coupling and property, and youngsters.