Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 7 years ago

problem related to my husband?

we got married a year back.he is caring and keeps me free.we both were divorcee and this our second marriage.this is arrange marriage.he is from middle class family and i am from rich family.

problem is

1. at time of marriage and after marriage he and his family asks for high budget things which i feel is not justified bcoz already my family have given soo much to themwhich they could have not got so i feel they shouldn't ask anything on festivals. and on the other side he doesnt give much money at home and says that he doesnt have much money. most of the spending is done my me.he earns well so if i ask him where his salary is gone he says when i dont ask u about your money why u r asking me. he is of spending type and also at start of our marriage i noticed he gives lot of his money to his sister who is recently married and expect me to do all thinga at our home

2. after our marriage i had seen his divorce paper.even his ex wife had said that his family demands are too high and sexually he didnot do anything with her and use to spend a lot of money on clothes and all.also she said that he gives evreything to his family back home and his sister. she felt that he didnt took her responsibilty as wife for daily requirements. there marriage was love marriage they were together in college.

3.after marriage even i saw that he do sex once in a month which is when i insist which i feel is very less in first year.also i fpund out penegra a type of viagra in his pocket. when i asked him he said its nothing. ex husband is in touch with me as a friend.i had told all my problems to my family but they said "its ur second marriage so adjust". so i told it to my exhusband who is my friend now.we got divorced bcoz of his mother.he knows he made a mistake by divorcing me and regrets that.

now when i discussed my problems with my ex husband.he told me to solve it. i tried for 2 months to solve my problems but things are not improving.also my ex husband tells me that if i leave him then he will take me back with him.

i dont know what to do???

11 Answers

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    leave him, and wait for sometlme to understand what do u want from life . dont get married just for fun sake.

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  • 7 years ago

    pretty complicated position

    1. It seems that your marriage (at least by judging from your present husband's demeanor) is more appealing to me as something you (both) did because of your needs. Do not take it wrong. But you are a divorcee and you need someone in life. In the country like India, people do not date ( at least not after certain age like 30). So after a while you might suffer living alone.

    Your husband seems to have multiple problems, not just sex. He most certainly married you for money. He is least interested in sex. You told his first marriage was love. A person whom he loved could not understand him and left. So do not just assume that your current marriage life is going to be smooth. you gotta be patient about it.

    2. there are some money issues apparently. I am sure these things can be talked through and resolved. That can not be a reason for separation.

    3. obviously he is not sexually active. what is his age? men of certain age, due to some issue, or bad habits, psychological problems can not be active sexually. You need to first talk him into seeing a therapist.

    4. all the above problems are solvable compared to the major problem - how u both feel. you both feel that you got married because you had to or do you have any feelings.

    I think you should give a try once more. Get to understand. Any decision taken emotionally leads to disaster.

    You and your ex parted ways (which u should not have done it in first place) and now you are thinking to get back. There were some strong reasons you were separated and now you want him back? how do u expect him to change? if u expect him to change why were you guys separated in the first place. You were separated because you know things can not be worked out.

    I feel It is foolishness now to go back unless you have very strong convincing reasons. Unless you (both) feel getting separated was a wrong decision. Even now, you are thinking to get back to your ex because you are not happy with u r current one, but not because u have any feelings for ex.

    I would say give it a try to work the relationship out with your current one.

    Source(s): just a perspective
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  • 7 years ago

    Your present husband seems to be not active in sex, with you and his first wife also, he is money lover and feels that only money can give him sanctification this is not true, now you can't do much more with him , before marriage you must ask about his sexual problem if it is there or not or you would have contact his wife , you ex husband may be good person , but you already divorced him hence there is no meaning in keeping contact with him or else your life shall be worsen more, just relax think wait and watch then decide what to do.

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  • 7 years ago

    It is unfortunate that you keep meeting such men. Ok your second marriage is not working because of demands, because of a lack of security, and because he is not satisfying you. Are you sure you want to leave him for these reasons?

    Ok are you sure you are not finding reasons to fault him because you are in touch with your first husband behind the scenes? Is he emotionally holding you?

    NOW If you had to leave your second husband and go back to your first husband you think you are going to be happy? You think the mother in law will be sweet and calm knowing you left her son, married another and you are getting back to them..

    Sometimes you really have to stand on your own. Marriage may work if you have a lot of tolerance and patience. Of course you have to maintain your dignity and your individuality. And for maintaining this, it will surely not help if you keep getting into relationships and breaking off each time - this is bound to leave you with a very low self esteem.

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  • 7 years ago

    You are in a vicious cycle. He demands money and other expensive things from you and spends his money on his sister. I believe his sister's in-laws are also demanding expensive gifts from her.

    Your first husband divorced because of his mother (May be his mother was demanding expensive gifts from you or your family and got yourself divorced because you did not satisfy her demands). If you marry your ex husband again would he or his mother demand expensive gifts from you or your family?

    It looks they are all after your and your families riches. Both of them do not love you.

    I think you should find a real loving person to marry otherwise you will keep on suffering.

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  • Lewis
    Lv 6
    7 years ago

    You already knew about the nature of your current husband before marriage.At first you shouldn't have married him. If your ex wants you back, its better to go with him.

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  • 7 years ago

    you leave him and fo to ex husband but take photo copy of previous present husbands divorce paper other wise your ex husband doubt on your sex matters

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  • edge
    Lv 4
    7 years ago

    Oh my lord!

    here im not gonna give you a stupid answer but listen,

    i dont know about your ex but this fellow your present is useless for you, sexually, financially too..

    he cant spend money for you,he cant make you happy on bed..

    no need to stay with him sweety!

    my answer is come back to your first..

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  • 7 years ago

    you are earning well....and he wants only ur money?

    you did not do any research on him bfr marriage??

    it doesnt sound good..his first wife left him fr some good reason..esp in arrgd marr u wil never know how is he bfr marr...

    if i was you...i wd consider walking out..and I am and Indian gal too..

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  • 7 years ago

    i advise u to go back to ur ex

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