Porn has altered my life, i am not me anymore how do i reverse this? (17 year old male)?
I remember being exposed to sex at a very young age by an old VHS tape, it was a lady getting ready to take her clothes off before my mother stopped the tape. I began to become curious of that, i was a boy, like girls, and she was getting naked, why would i not be curious? so that was maybewhen i was 6 years old, i would find that HBO and Showtime had sex shows late at night and it was perfect, it was softcore porn, beautiful women, didn't show the mens privates which were really good and i would begin to masturbate. And then, i finally got a desktop computer around 9 years old and discovered internet porn, "hardcore" and it was like finding a fossil of a dinosaur. No one told me porn was wrong, i just knew it was wrong to watch in front of adults that's all. I began writing down names of the pornstars i really liked into a red notebook, memorizing many names which i still remember, and just having a great time watching them have sex and masturbating to them. Aside from that, i had a normal life in school, had good grades, there were two main girls i liked alot during elementary school that i never had the chance to be with because i was so shy to go forward than just casual talking, at night while in bed i'll be fantasizing about them, their face, their body, and masturbate, feeling like i was having sex with them. My porn usage was pretty normal at the time because i had friends and a xbox but around 6th grade i didnt have friends in the neighborhood and i started focusing on girls and less on work which resulted in me being dumped by oficiall girlfriend stephanie because i was taking interest in her friend which i wont get all into that & retained, which is the worst day of my life because my confidence dropped significantly as i seen everyone go to 7th grade and one of my old friends laughed at me but a few girls still held me down so i felt alright. I started back getting on my work and excelling in english, while at home, porn was my second hobby other than drawing and video games. By 7th grade i had went through 1 desktop and one laptop because they both crashed, from me downloading pics and videos. My porn usage stopped around 7th grade because i met my 2nd girlfiend after first hooking my god brother up with her but then liking her myself and dating. We lasted till 8th grade, going on and off twice. In 8th grade, sexting became popular among the masses, and my porn usage increased, but i was still okay when it came to things like my talents, my goals, etc. Me and different girls would be sexting, those i met through facebook who were locals, i was 14 at the time. It was really pleasing, for the both of us, i gave them what they wanted, they gave me what i wanted, everyone was satisfied except me for the fact that i felt like my penis wasn't large enough. Watching porn so long, i wanted to have a package like the guys did so the girls could like me even more. I wasn't aware that i would soon grow and my shouldn't be anywhere near that and instead on school but it was, it's all i knew, porn was all i knew, it's what i grew up with. I started googling "how to get a bigger penis" and searching home remedies and i would come across articles and videos, i would read it, then view the video, then go in the bathroom and perform the same thing i learned (with no results). The characters are getting low so i'll just sum this up, i ended up viewing she-male porn, then masturbation porn, then around 3 or 3 gay porn videos all without liking guys but just because the view of the penis seemed arouse mines. And i lost my virginiy in may 2013 with a former girlfriend, left her because that's all she wanted and i wanted more in the relationship than that. Around the start of 2013 my mind shut down____i did research this month finding out that excessive porn usage can alter sexual tastes and make others have a different desire as their old desires go sour because they need something new, to give them a better high, like drugs. I just wanna know, how can i change this???? dont, please dont give me mess about being in denial or porn showed me my true desires.....after 3 or so years?? please, dont say i was born with it....uhmm hello???? no, i know my masturbation/porn addiction did this, how can i get my original tastes? look, i want to have a family before i die, i want to have another girlfriend, i still like girls man, i dont like dudes and being serious as ever, so again please dont tell me i'm bi or gay, hell, i made out with a girl down the street a year ago and yes, i had a *****, how do i lose this arousal for penises and gain back my original tastes?? i would really appreciate your input, thanks.
I discovered porn at a young age and slowly became addicted to that and masturbation, along the years my tastes for women sexually began to decrease after i developed a sort of fetish or obsession with enlarging my penis to be like the male porn starts to impress more girls, now, i get erections from seeing a penis but i in no no way have an attraction me, i myself have no atrraction the male penis, but my brain has developed into associating it as a trigger for stimuli and i simply do not like that...at all, i want to know how to reverse this because porn simply ruined my life. I will not categorize my self within the LGBT category of orientation because that would be false, i am not in denial, and im not delusional, but i can't make you believe me so, whatever.
I discovered porn at a young age and slowly became addicted to that and masturbation, along the years my tastes for women sexually began to decrease after i developed a sort of fetish or obsession with enlarging my penis to be like the male porn stars to impress more girls, now, i get erections from seeing a penis but i in no way have an attraction me, i myself have no attraction the male penis, but my brain has developed into associating it as a trigger for stimuli and i simply do not like that...at all, i want to know how to reverse this because porn simply ruined my life. I will not categorize my self within the LGBT category of orientation because that would be false, i am not in denial, and im not delusional, but i can't make you believe me so, whatever.