What do you think of my story???????????

12/18/2013 Dear Self, You are probably wondering the reason for this letter, or how I like to call it, my life in words. You see the reason for this is because im turning 22 next week and Instead of feeling ecstatic about it, I feel nothing but empty. Another year older, another year closer to death, Why not just... show more 12/18/2013
Dear Self,
You are probably wondering the reason for this letter, or how I like to call it, my life in words. You see the reason for this is because im turning 22 next week and Instead of feeling ecstatic about it, I feel nothing but empty. Another year older, another year closer to death, Why not just end it now? Looking back through my life I haven’t accomplished anything, I have done absolutely nothing with my life. People around my age are supposed to be finishing up their college degree, getting a job and starting a family. Yet here I am writing this to you wondering to myself how did I end up here? 4 years ago I graduated high school with a 3.0 GPA. I had nothing but A’s and B’s, people looked up to me and told me how smart I was and how proud they were of me. Back then my future looked brighter as ever. Little that I know that all the glory of being looked up to, being told by your parents, teachers and peers how proud they were of me was all going to come to an end. Upon from graduating high school all my friends and cousins who graduated with me were to leave town for college. The look on their faces when the day had arrives were unrecognizable. Instead of being part of that, I was hurting inside, knowing how hard I worked all four years in high school was all for nothing. Yes I did graduate and yes I still was going to go to college but the college I was going to was a local community college where I lived. I knew once I stepped into that campus I didn’t belong there. Too many old people who decided to come back to school due to the economic hardships they faced. Too me this wasn’t college. College was supposed to be a place where there are people who think alike as you do. You may also ask why I didn’t just go straight to a 4 year college and just moved out. Well, you see, indeed I did have really good grades in high school but in the end I was unable to apply to a single college campus due to my math class being too low to satisfy other college campuses. Since I was a little kid Ive always sucked at math, actually to this day I despise it! I knew eventually it will always come back to bite me in the *** and it to this day it still does. Anyways enough about that, I have better things to write about. Lets see oh yes, so during high school I went to two different schools. My parents decided to buy a house across town and I was forced to switch schools, I dreaded it and didn’t want to move but I had no choice, I finished my last two years at a different high school. To be honest to you I was a complete loner in high school, I didn’t go to parties, I didn’t get drunk or got high on anything. Some may have think this is a good thing but for me I wanted to experience all of this so bad but yet I couldn’t because I didn’t have anybody to hang out with. Fast forward a couple year now, my first year in “college” was nothing special, I went to class and I went home, again I didn’t have a lot of friends and the little friends I did have were the same as me, boring! So my sophomore year in college I met some people who graduated the same year as me in the same high school and yet I never met them before. They convinced me to join their school club, the International Club, so I did and I met even more people there. One day the club was having a goodbye get together for those who were graduating and transferring to 4 year schools. That night someone in the club decided to throw a party at his place. My friends convinced me to go and I gave in, it was a night that I will never forget because it was my first real college party ive ever been to and since it was a college party there was plenty of alcohol. I spent that night dancing, taking shots, playing beer pong . The reason for being a night I will always remember is because it was my first time ive ever gotten drunk in my life! I was 20 years old and I know many have gotten drunk way before that, but for me I knew that I have done something out of my comfort zone. No longer was I this shy college kid with no friends, no longer did I feel alone and being left out. After the party my friend took me home, still drunk I managed to slip into my room without my parents knowing. That morning I had my first ever hangover and man did it suck. My head was throbbing, my stomach was rolling around, I was so thirsty and not to mention I had to take a piss every 5 minutes! That day my dad noticed something odd and he joked, “Are you hung over?” I just laughed and said of course not! A couple of weeks later my new friends and I decided to hang out for a bit at someones place. We were just relaxing and talking when one of my friends asked if I ever smoke marijuana. Of course I said no and he later asked if I would want to try it. To be honest I wanted to say no, I never had done any drugs and didn’t want anything to do with it. But due to peer pressure I was once again convinced to try it and so I did. My friend passed the bong to me and told me to inhale and
Update: and to hold it in as long as I can. So I did and coughed so bad that I thought that my throat was going to be tore open. At first I didn’t feel anything but all of a sudden it hit me, I was just there sitting and freaking out while my friends laughed at me. But then for some whatever reason I started laughing as... show more and to hold it in as long as I can. So I did and coughed so bad that I thought that my throat was going to be tore open. At first I didn’t feel anything but all of a sudden it hit me, I was just there sitting and freaking out while my friends laughed at me. But then for some whatever reason I started laughing as well. I was feeling good, carefree and for some odd reason I felt like I can float away into the sky. I then got so hungry and decided to eat a whole bag of corn chips with salsa and pizza. After the effects of it wore off, I called it a night and went home. I then thought to myself how just a couple of months earlier I felt how I haven’t done anything “normal” with myself and here I am, getting high and drunk with people and I was loving it. After a few months past i was having a great time with my friends, but due to my new found friends all the partying and nights out caught up with my studying at school. That same semester I was not only doing horrible in my classes but I w
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