How can I hold myself together for the babies?

I have been obsessed with babies for a few months. I long to hold and care for the babies, so I thought working with them would ease these infuriating urges, but I don't feel any differently about babies, unfortunately. I get emotional and sometimes teary thinking about babies or seeing something child-related,... show more I have been obsessed with babies for a few months. I long to hold and care for the babies, so I thought working with them would ease these infuriating urges, but I don't feel any differently about babies, unfortunately. I get emotional and sometimes teary thinking about babies or seeing something child-related, but when I'm actually caring for them, these feelings hit me so hard, very quickly and I can't help but become teary all of a sudden. I am trying not to cry, but I can't help it.

If I can identify the causes of my emotional outbursts, here are my best guesses:
. I find babies so beautiful and precious in general
. I feel particularly emotional when spending one on one time with the baby
. The babies settle/show affection a lot easier and quicker than I expect; I want to give the baby a lot more care & to show my worth before seeing the results
. Implementing/thinking of educational experiences (eg. songs) also triggers strong emotion, probably because I feel that those experiences are great for the development/enjoyment of children

I am a 20-year-old female with mild autism with a history of depression and anxiety. I did a placement with babies when I was 17, without emotional outbursts (before I was into babies), but I don't know why it's different now. I wish I could just cope like I did back then. I'm fine emotionally with ages 1+ btw, but I love babies.
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