Would it be a dealbreaker dating someone who has a large debt?

I am just beginning a relationship with a man that i have been friends with for years first. By being friends with him i know that he has accumulated at least a $35,000 debt. We are only in the very early stages of dating, not offical yet. I have a dilemma because i feel i have the potential to have strong feelings, even love him. I am concerned about his debt however. He is turning 30 this year. What also concerns me is that he doesnt seem to be doing a lot to sort his debts. Spends a lot of money on alcohol, gambles a little (not a lot) and just generally wastes his money. I feel his number 1 priority should be clearing his debt. Obviously its too early for me to tell him that. Im just concerned as i am going to have to be in control of finances if we do continue and get serious and i am not a high income earner. Id always hoped id be in a position to not work the first 12months when had a child etc. Obviously im looking way ahead but my concern is what sort of life I'd have with him. What are your thoughts? Does it matter? Do i just go wuth my feelings and sort out his debts later?

47 Answers

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  • 2 years ago

    He sounds irresponsible i would ditch him. If he can't handle his debt he most likely can't handle being in a relationship bc his priorities are all messed up.

  • 2 years ago

    As soon as you mentioned Gambling my heart sunk for you. Abandon ship right now before your do fall in love. He will bring you down and if you married him, you would marry the debt. Sorry but very rare do gamblers/alcoholics change their ways.

  • 2 years ago

    No not at all money can't buy you love.

  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    If they had a firm commitment to pay it down, no. But if they were unwilling to focus on it, and modify their spending, yes it would be. If you started to co-mingle funds, you'd be taking on repayment of that debt too. And even if you didn't co mingle, it would affect the over all household budget.

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  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    move on , it only get worse,, IU never saw anyone stop gambling

  • 2 years ago

    Yes, it is huge flaming neon dealbreaker dating someone who has a large debt and doesn't seem to be doing anything about getting rid of it. They say life is short and it is to be wasting YOUR time with someone like this. Run, don't walk away from this person now! Good luck!

  • 2 years ago

    His debt is a result of his inability to live within his means. A guy who drinks and gambles and cannot afford either is traveling down a slippery slope. People's habits tend to magnify in time, without any changes in their personality in sight. So, you can imagine that his downward spiral will continue.

    You are a fool if you actually think you can take control of a man's money. What, one day when he decides he loves you, he will hand over all of his finances? Dream on.

    People date for a reason and that is to get to know one another and to find out if they are compatible to perhaps foster a committed relationship. But, you ALREADY KNOW that he is an over spender, in debt that is going to take years and years to pay back, IF he does not charge another penny for five years, plus he spends money on alcohol, which means he drinks it and to top if off, he is a gambler? And you are STILL going to pursue a relationship with him?

    Oh My God, what is wrong with you?

    You need to wake the hell up lady. You have no idea how bad his financial situation really is and how it will effect him. Low credit score, zero borrowing power and bad habits, just to name a few problems.

    His debt is a deal breaker.

    Living above his means is a deal breaker.

    Drinking and Gambling away money are deal breakers.

    This deal is so broken that you are never going to find the glue to fix it.

  • 2 years ago

    Do you know what he did to accumulate this debt? I would want to know more about this before I started making plans with him.

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    I was broke and dumb when I met my doctor husband, I didn't care that he was sexing all the nurses at hospital.

    as long as I had my doritos.

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    2 years ago

    Well first, what type of debt is it? Is it student loans, a mortgage or is it revolving/credit card debt that he isn't paying? Did he have any kind of job loss or was he off work due to an injury or illness that he got behind on his bills then?

    Student loans are a dark cloud on a lot of people. They can't afford to pay it sometimes. A mortgage or owning a home can be a good investment.

    What kind of credit does he have?

    Myself, I couldn't be with someone who was irresponsible financially or had bad credit. The burden of the finances will always come down to you then. Having bad credit can sometimes cost you getting a job, high interest rates and even higher car insurance premiums. Getting a mortgage is almost impossible with bad credit and most landlords won't rent to people with bad credit.

    I have had bed credit in my life, but it was when I was young & stupid. By the time I was 30, I had that turned around and worked hard to pay off all my debt. I paid mine off, didn't file bankruptcy or anything like that. Every month I would pay off something small and pay down bigger ones. Now, my credit score is in 840 range. My husband has excellent credit as well.

    This guy is someone you should pass on. Love is grand but love doesn't make sure you eat or have a roof over your head, being financially responsible does.

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