Deserving is a judgement call.
Getting past that, we all do. As we grow older mortality becomes less a threat and more a promise: we don't have to do this forever. I am happy with the way my life has been flowing the last half century (not so much before that, but it is in the past) and am hoping for a few decades of retired life, but immortality is a young man's dream. It is not merely the aging, but that the challenges get to us. My blood pressure has dropped since I retired but I do miss the chase. It was killing me and keeping me alive. For me the symbol was sleeping with the phone beside my head, ready for the call 24/7 to do what I was born to do.
I deserve to die. I hope it is not too soon (on The Simpsons it was called "retirony" - the irony of dying right at retirement.) It won't be too late - bitter dregs are mother's milk to me but not too long, I hope.