At a low point. Depression? PTSD? Fear? Or something else?
I lost the person closest to me (a relative) right before my 25th birthday, she had been there for me unconditionally my whole life. With that, I also lost my home, and nearly everything in it, one of my dogs had to get put down, I cut ties with some abusive family members, and a close friend of mine ghosted me. Prior to this, I had been dealing with 3 years worth of domestic abuse. Constant state of fear.
I feel..damaged by all of this. I dont sit around and mope about it but in essence it feels like it created a deep sense of isolation in me, as if I dont belong (no, I'm not suicidal). On the offchance I get attached to someone new, I tend to cling to them, and while also being too afraid to get too attached. I fear getting close, but dont want to lose anymore people I care about. But I'm also very cautious and withdrawn in regards to who I invest in anyway, so this just makes it more difficult. It has since caused me to experience serious heartbreak. I struggle to move forward
I dont have a victim complex, but at the same time, I want to acknowledge the realities of my situation, and perspectives/fears. I tend to blame myself for things, and have problems with hypervigilance and excessive guilt. Making changes in my life is much harder now
Cant afford a therapist yet, so looking for outside insight or similar experiences?