You didn't mention your gender, but both males and females commonly entertain masochistic fantasies. There are a number of reasons why this is true; a strict moral upbringing and guilt associated with sex, repressed sexual impulses, or you are domineering and/or in positions of power in "real life." It is actually more common for dominant types in real life to want a role reversal in the bedroom.
Among common sexual fetishes is narratophilia, or "dirty talk." Many people enjoy using taboo words in bed, the woman might enjoy being called a "filthy whore" or the man "a fat pig." They might even spit and slap as they do this. Ovid, the Ancient Roman poet, in his Art of Love, even advised lovers to use "sexy taboo words" in bed.
A lot of studies have been done, from pop psychology to serious psychological examination. Some think that we retain some of our sexual stimulation from nature, when sex was not always consensual and was often violent. The Kama Sutra repeatedly advises making bite marks on one's lover! Not only is the pain pleasurable, you have a mark from your lover as a reminder.
I once had a female friend, very sweet and well-educated, who confided in me that she had rape fantasies. Of course no one wants this to happen- I mentioned that I thought it was a response to guilt associated with sex- going back to the strict moral upbringing, or even just a natural shame or embarrassment of the sexual act. This way the person can enjoy sex without the guilt of consent- although it is only a fantasy. She didn't think that was right, but it is the most common explanation.
There is nothing wrong with you. It is very common. If you do have feelings of shame or religious misgivings that interfere with your ability to enjoy sex and life in general only then do you have a problem. A lot of people feel shameful or sad after sex. The impulses have been relieved and no longer influence your actions... until you "get horny again."
PS: Sexual masochism has nothing to do with childhood sexual abuse or depression, etc.
· 4 months ago