Planning to propose but asking for the blessing of her parents wasn't as good as hoped.. what do i do?
So me and my lady have been together for a year in June, I've got a little holiday booked for us in a little cottage she'll love it. We're both 23 and we don't live together. Starting January we're going to be saving together for our first house. Feeling ready and wanting that something more i want to propose, we speak quite openly about being engaged.. for example shes mentioned what rings she likes, the gems, metals.. like she knows what she wants :P
I asked her parents for the blessing as my lady would want me to if she knew and as expected was asked alot of questions.
Her dad wanted to know my intentions (understandably), but then went on to how much we both earn yearly, what we can afford, began looking at houses in the area, suggesting flats we can buy etc etc..
Her mum on the other hand simply asked if its a good idea, do i not think its a bit soon, do i think she will say yes? what if were on holiday and she doesn't say yes? she doesn't like pressure so is doing it on holiday making it that more.. well pressured? but neither of them actually said anything besides that.. i know shes not had it easy in the past so they are right to be cautious..
We both have anxiety, so we wont do crowds or attention so i believe asking at a restaurant etc would be even worse. I think i know her and that she would say yes? just feel edgy after how the parent conversation went? Should i change plans and bring it closer to home? or if i think i know right then carry on?
- JerryLv 71 year agoFavourite answer
How about you assure the parents that you aren't going to rush into anything, that it's going to be at least a couple years of planning and preparing for the marriage before you even think about planning and preparing for the wedding. And during those two or more years, involve those parents in helping you and your betrothed get ready for marriage. That's what engagement is really about, finding out before it's too late whether you two can agreeably manage money together, can agreeably become part of the in-law family, can manage differences without being mean to each other, and so on.
I don't think you're get a blessing until you cultivate these parents, get better acquainted, hear and give enormous consideration to their advice, demonstrate that the marriage will be such as to deserve their blessing.
- TrishLv 51 year ago
Sounds like it wasn't too bad. They took you seriously.
- LizLv 71 year ago
Asking for parents' blessing is a moronic idea. What if they say no? You're going to break up with your girlfriend? No, of course not. Because you are both adults who can make their own life decisions. Ask your girlfriend if she wants to marry you. Nobody else's input is needed.
- MamawidsomLv 71 year ago
I'd suggest to slow down and don't ask her now. Seriously, there is no good reason you should be getting engage right now. You are both really young and actually haven't known each other very long. Give it another year. Getting married is a HUGE decisions and shouldn't be something you do lightly. Being in love is one thing, being able to communicate and work together towards life goals for 60+ years in another. I would also suggest that you consider getting some counseling or therapy -- either as individuals or as a couple.
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- Anonymous1 year ago
...and now you know why asking parents is stupid, and quite frankly, offensive to some women. She is not a piece of property. If she is mature enough to get married, she is mature enough to make the decision without input from her parents. I'm sorry, but parents do not get a vote in who/when their daughter marries.
- 1 year ago
If the first thought of your partner-to-be is about the gems for a ring, perhaps it is SHE who needs to grow up a bit.
- BeatriceBattenLv 71 year ago
If you aren't sure that your girlfriend will agree to marry you, then a proposal isn't the way to find out.
Talk to your GF some more, and leave Mommy and Daddy out of it.
Do not base your wedding/life plans around what Mommy and Daddy want from you. Figure it out for yourselves.
- PatriciaLv 71 year ago
It's interesting that people base their past, and their past relationships upon what is going on in their lives RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, her past has absolutely nothing to do with your proposal. Not one, little thing.
- seedy historyLv 71 year ago
Less than a year coupled, under 25, planning on buying a house together.... could be her parents simply think it's all too soon. What's the rush?
- TavyLv 71 year ago
Stop over thinking. Get tucked into the cosy cottage, bottle of wine and ask her.
- Anonymous1 year ago