Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 year ago

Can you rate my poem?

Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me;

Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see

A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings

And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.

In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song

Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong

To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside

And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide.

So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour

With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour

Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast

Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.

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  • Tina
    Lv 7
    1 year ago
    Favourite answer

    It's by D H Lawrence.

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  • Needs a little proof-reading and correction is needed to better enhance or emphasize the moving parts; boy-mother, music -(vibration, polarity and rhythm and, cause and effect); ["Kybalion"]  Feelings play into this with 'balance'.  Everything else is as adjectives in a sentence.

    Sadly not fleeting as, the past must remain 'there'.  We must move ever forward.  :D

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  • Jay R
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Forced.

    • Tom
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      Lol...

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  • 1 year ago

    Off to a good start. It could use more subtlety I think, less telling of feelings and more showing of feelings.

    • Tina
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      M'mmm. It's by D H Lawrence. Probably better known for his novels than his poetry, but still a much published poet.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    i think its a good poern

    • Tina
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      And by a good poet. D H Lawrence.

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