I think I've left my crossroads, and headed down the wrong one...?

I've been checked out of life since the end of mid. school, I haven't really noticed until last year (my first, possibility last year of community college); I'm 20 currently. I spent my elementary to 6th grade years as an uncontrollable problem child, then the next several years forming friendships to... show more I've been checked out of life since the end of mid. school, I haven't really noticed until last year (my first, possibility last year of community college); I'm 20 currently. I spent my elementary to 6th grade years as an uncontrollable problem child, then the next several years forming friendships to help me, only to accidentally use them to fall to a route of non confrontational and passive action, to counteract my neurosis (and autism), helping me leave "alternative" learning envmt after 10th grade, spending rest my time in HS writing poetry away from people. I got decent to good grades in my classes, but never put myself out further (because I didn't, and still don't want to). In my developing years I formed a permanent bubble of apathy, and all my Direct care goes solely into writing songs and stories I have no ability to push or put to educational scrutiny. There was a point when it was made clear to me, in senior year, that the time for life decisions will soon be upon me, and I acknowledged it..and kept on the same path. To add to all of this, I must qualify that I am Not, nor have I ever been a full introvert, I avoid Direct social organization to talk in passive ways when I can..Now I'm stuck, on a off year from "college", with no want for social scrutiny, yet a need to find something to make sense of it all..I can't admit to my therapist, siblings or parents, as that would be an admission of misuse of their trust (which I didn't Consciously misuse)..Any tips
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