Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 7 months ago

I can’t take it anymore considering divorce?

My husband is someone who always wants more. More money, a better job. In the past 7 years we’ve moved to 7 different cities and we have lived in AT LEAST 10 different apartments in the past 7 years. My husband now wants to move AGAIN for another job offer. I’m tired of it! Yes, his field is in high demand and he’s somehow able to continually pick up new employment but it’s having a huge impact on my ability to work as it now appears on my own resume that I’m completely unstable and hop from job to job. We don’t have much money left in savings and at 32 years old I was really hoping to have a home and be settled by now with kids. I’ve talked to my husband about just staying where we are since we’ve been here almost 2 years now. He told me this job opportunity means a lot to him and that if I choose not to move he’s going to go anyway. I’m not sure what to do! I want to be supportive to my husband but I can’t take moving again. Any advice? I’m considering a divorce

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  • Janet
    Lv 7
    7 months ago
    Best answer

    If you cannot take it anymore, then get a divorce. We do need to be supportive of our husband, but THEY also need to be supportive of us. No marriage works if it is always just ONE person always getting their way.

    He is who he is and you cannot change this.

    And it is time you look to yourself for inner and for outer/financial support. Marriages are no-longer life-long, so if you want security you will have to provide it for yourself. And yes, this constant-moving is NOT looking good on your resume.

    As for having kids, you are running out of time … considering that profession/psychological advice say:

    DATE someone for TWO YEARS before marrying them.

    BE married for THREE YEARS before having children.

    So if you were to start dating someone now, at age 32, you will before it is advisable to have children … assuming you don’t want to risk ending up divorced again but this time with children to support.

    But DO understand that happiness is a state of mind – dependent on how YOU cognitively interact with your own inner reactions. Happiness CAN be found in any situation, but NOT because OF the situation.

    Take marriage … we never end up happier in a marriage than we were before we met our spouse. Yes, the honeymoon phase is very heady, but it always dies out and there is not a marriage on Earth that is without problems. So unless WE can work with our inner self, we will not find happiness in marriage.

    Nor in children (research actually indicates that childless couples are happier than couples with children).

    And it IS nice to own a home … but there are headaches with maintenance and after a while you get used to the place and it stops making you feel happy.

    So either you find some way to be okay with the life he offers you, or you strike out on your own. But understand that when we are not happy, it is what is going on inside of us that makes us unhappy. Don’t blame outer things. Don’t think that the grass is indeed greener somewhere else.

  • 7 months ago

    Let him go take this job so you can have some solitude to do some soul-searching. Divorcing right now when you don't have stable employment would be a mistake. So send him off and maybe after a period of separation you'll decide he's worth all this instability. If you have kids this constant moving is a real problem. At least military brats have some sense of consistency in their schooling from base to base. Kids who just move around without that social support tend to end up insecure.

  • 7 months ago

    You have to make your own decisions about this.

  • 7 months ago

    at 32 u have all the chances to meet someone u like better. much more chances than 52

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  • 7 months ago

    Consider just letting him move there.

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