Jealous about boyfriend and his ex (high-school sweetheart)?

My boyfriend dated his first love for 7 years. They went to high-school, lost their virginities to each other, prom, vacations; essentially every important milestone was together. My boyfriend didn't date around, he spent his late teens and early 20's being committed. Unfortunately, they grew apart and she cheated on him. She is still with the man she left him for.

Though she seems very happy in her new relationship. However, I struggle with insecurity and feel like second best. There's a lot of "What-Ifs" since "she" left, not him. Logically I know it isn't a competition but I struggle feeling like she was the one that got away in a sense and I'll always be in the shadow of how important and special she was to him during prime years of personal growth.

3 Answers

Relevance
  • Molly
    Lv 5
    1 year ago
    Favourite answer

    Not to pry, but I feel like this is a conversation that you and your boyfriend should be having with each other, you should feel comfortable around him enough to know that you can talk about things that are on your mind about your relationship, and what things you're insecure about. Keeping all of this to yourself without having a heart to heart with him will eat away at you and basically make you paranoid, but if you open up to him about this, there's a chance that he will open up to you too and you'll get closer to him knowing that you can emotionally be there for one another regardless of the past because what happened in the past happened in the past and will stay there, you and him are in the present together and you should be building your relationship with him, and living in the moment. You'll meet relationship milestones when they happen but right now you have to realise that everyone will enter a relationship with baggage and that nobodies past will be perfect.

    A relationship is built upon trust, loyalty, and communication, which is why I am encouraging you to communicate with him and open up to him because it should bring you closer together, that's what it is about, building bonds and closeness with one another. He's with you and not his ex, and frankly, he trusts that you won't cheat on him or break his heart, so you should care less about his ex, and care more about how to make your own special thing between you happen, and work on that instead because the relationship he has with you is the most important thing and not what he used to have with somebody, let that go, and be in the past. Whatever special thing he had with his ex when they were together... that was destroyed by what she did, there's nothing special there anymore and you don't keep a part of someone in your heart after they cheated on you, then got with that person they cheated on you with.

    Hope I've helped answer this question :)

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    How long has it been since they broke up? The only thing I would be concerned about is it being a rebound situation. Other than that you must understand that he is very young so he would be having his first-time experiences if it was not with you and it's nothing you can do about the timing of how things happened. Where you a virgin when you met him? You do not have to answer that but if you were not then it shouldn't surprise youthat he was not either. It's not like he had the ultimate experience of deciding to marry her with having children together. He has yet to experience it and that could be you or it could be you who was meant to have that experience with some other guy who knows but let the past be the past because they did not even know you or have you to consider when you were not in their life. Do not be surprised that people had a life before they met you.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 1 year ago

    A person doesn't stop growing or changing once they reach their 20s. There are many other things that can happen that he can experience with you. Graduating college, getting a promotion at work, landing a dream job, starting a business, getting married, going on a worldwide adventure, you name it.

    Stop being jealous of his ex. She wasn't "the one who got away." That's just lame, cheesy crap we see in movies but isn't real life. He's with you, not her. Be grateful for that before your insecurities start causing problems and you become an ex.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.