How can I improve my relationship with my mother?

This is pretty heavy, but I thought I would throw it out there on yahoo since nothing seems to be working. I have spoken with my school counsellor etc I'm 16 & when I was 10, my stepfather started molesting & raping me. It was reported to the police & it went to trial & he was convicted. During... show more This is pretty heavy, but I thought I would throw it out there on yahoo since nothing seems to be working. I have spoken with my school counsellor etc

I'm 16 & when I was 10, my stepfather started molesting & raping me. It was reported to the police & it went to trial & he was convicted. During the trial and after I went to live with my grandmother however she has since passed & I am back with mom.

Our relationship has always been strained. I always thought it was because she felt guilt, but I was so wrong. I asked her if we could talk about what happened properly now that I am a bit older and because we have never talked about it. She refused but after I persisted she ended up losing her temper & told me that she blamed me for ruining her life by reporting it, that she loved him & she has never been with anyone since. I was totally shocked and tried to explain that we are both victims of his actions but she said she just wants me to leave and she can't stand to look at me.

This happened two weeks ago and we have barely spoken a word since. I thought maybe she would calm down and apologise but she just scowls at me. I don't know what to do. I have no other family. My father isn't a part of our lives, no grandparents are alive, no cousins/aunts/uncles etc. Apart from feeling like I really want family, it hurts so much that something I am still traumatised by and trying to work through is something my mom blames me for. I just feel lost and need advice.
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