How to deal with guilt?

I am 14 and I am feeling so guilty and bad. My grandma came to live with us last year because she has dimentia and is a little bit retarded. At first I felt bad for her but she always used to do gross things like spit food out and sometimes I would sit it in or she would fart when we were having dinner. Once she... show more I am 14 and I am feeling so guilty and bad. My grandma came to live with us last year because she has dimentia and is a little bit retarded. At first I felt bad for her but she always used to do gross things like spit food out and sometimes I would sit it in or she would fart when we were having dinner. Once she even pee'd on the couch when I was next to her so I got wet and it was so gross. I love her but just wanted her out and some where where she could just be in a hospital so I didn't have to deal with it. So I started staying up at night and pooping in a container then putting the poop in her bed. I kept doing it over and over again and then started putting it in her door way or in the kitchen drawers so my parents would get sick of it. After about 2 months they ended up putting her in care. at first I was relieved because she was gone and she could be looked after but now I feel really bad. I just wanna know how i can stop feeling guilty without admitting it
7 answers 7