Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 5 months ago

How to deal with guilt?

I am 14 and I am feeling so guilty and bad. My grandma came to live with us last year because she has dimentia and is a little bit retarded. At first I felt bad for her but she always used to do gross things like spit food out and sometimes I would sit it in or she would fart when we were having dinner. Once she even pee'd on the couch when I was next to her so I got wet and it was so gross. I love her but just wanted her out and some where where she could just be in a hospital so I didn't have to deal with it. So I started staying up at night and pooping in a container then putting the poop in her bed. I kept doing it over and over again and then started putting it in her door way or in the kitchen drawers so my parents would get sick of it. After about 2 months they ended up putting her in care. at first I was relieved because she was gone and she could be looked after but now I feel really bad. I just wanna know how i can stop feeling guilty without admitting it

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  • Z
    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    To stop feeling guilty you have to own up to what you did, make amends, and learn to forgive yourself. It is for your own good. Almost all psychiatric problems are caused by intense feelings of guilt and shame over something you did in his past which come back to haunt you. For your own mental health, it is better to come clean and deal with your issues NOW. You need to accept that you did something bad and unjust to someone when they were in a helpless situation. And to make amends, you need to stop being self-centred and learn to have compassion for others. You don't have to tell everyone what you did, there is no need to expose what God has kept secret for your sake. But you must promise yourself never to do that to someone again since your secret has been kept hidden and you have been given another chance to be a good person. You need to learn to forgive the childish part of you that made you do that to your grandmother. We all get selfish sometimes and behave in stupidly childish ways, esp when we are young. But that doesn't mean that this is who we are, or that we are completely bad people. You need to be gentle with yourself. You were young and very distressed at the time and the only way your childish mind knew how to handle the situation was in the manner that you did. But you are more mature now and better equipped to handle things differently if they were to happen again. I'm very sure if your parents knew how distressed your grandmother made you feel, they would have taken her away anyway and put her in a place where she would receive better care and attention. So don't blame yourself too much for what happened to your grandmother. The fact that you feel guilty means that you are a good person deep down inside. There is always a good part of us that makes us feel guilty about the things we did that are wrong and encourages us to do good. Psychopaths don't feel guilty or remorse over the things they do. It is not doing something wrong that makes us bad, but the inability to learn from our mistakes and correct ourselves is what makes us evil. Nobody learns to be good without first doing bad things, feeling guilty about it, and resolving never to do it again. Make amends by deciding to treat people with more compassion and understanding going forward, and never connive to place blame on anyone - even if doing so would make life much easier for you.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    rnaybe you should confess to thern what you did

  • 5 months ago

    Someday you might be in the same boat as your grandmother. We all get old... even though it seems far away and out of reach.

    You dont have to "feel guilty"..... your grandmother needs round the clock care, and that's what she's receiving now. I understand her medical condition would be difficult to live with, too.

    Guilt is for criminals, you're not one, are you? No.......!

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    you are a horrible person for doing that. you better hope you are treated better when you are old and need support.

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Ok, your feeling are not uncommon. Actually pretty common to fell this way when a loved one has dementia and or is put onto a care home. She was beyond the care your family could give her. She is probably more comfortable.

    You can admit feeling guilty to your parents. They more than anyone would understand.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    IF true, it sounds like it was you who was the actual fecally-incontinent one! At 13-14 you have the weak excuse of being a minor. Just never, ever get married and have a poor little baby.

    If you confess you'll unleash incredibly powerful emotions in the rest of your family, so keep it to yourself and perhaps seek counselling when you're old enough for it on your own. For now just atone for it by being helpful and doing well at school.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    I wouldn't feel guilty about that. You had to do what was best for you and the family and ultimately what was best for your nan. She needed to be in care with nurses looking after her. It was for the best, and you just helped your parents see it. Stay strong :)

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