Is marriage about compromise?
My husband told me the other day that whoever told me that marriage was about compromise was a liar. And now I’m starting to see that he doesn’t compromise a single thing for me. I feel like I’m the only one that compromises on anything. I am honestly at my breaking point. I hate loud music but he likes it so guess what; we listen to loud music. I hate listening to politics but he loves it so we listen to politics. He smokes and I don’t and I have asked several times that he not smoke in the truck with my 2 yo daughter and with me...I’m pregnant by the way... and he does it anyway. I am very anti social and I get stressed out if I’m around many people, even family. And he basically told me to just get over it. He decided to let our neighbors girlfriend live in our house until they find a place without asking me first. I know I’m not perfect but I just feel like a doormat! Like my feelings don’t matter. I’ve asked and begged and cried our whole marriage for him to pay a bit more attention to us than his precious cigarettes and beer and I get nothing. A scoff, an eye roll, and then anger is the normal response. I don’t know what to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
- linkus86Lv 76 months agoFavorite Answer
When we have relationships with other people we accept them despite all their faults, the same they accept us despite all of ours (no one is perfect). Still, conflict will arise and to continue the relationship those conflicts need resolution. Often this can be done through communication, but not always so the back up plan is compromise where neither gets everything they want, but both gets a little.
But compromise comes with a mental trap, that you have apparently fallen into. When you have to compromise a lot, you focus on what you are NOT getting in return, and forgetting what you do. And I can prove it. Ask your husband how he compromises for you. He will have a list just like yours. And when you hear it, you will still think you sacrifice more, but you will gain it isn't as lopsided as you did before you asked the question.
- Anonymous6 months ago
Life is a compromise and once you have children they come first.
- 6 months ago
Partially. Compromise and love.
- tonyLv 76 months ago
Compromise requires teamwork. Before marriage, you might have been accustomed to making unilateral decisions. Now things have changed, and both you and your spouse must put your marriage above your personal preferences.Compromise requires an open mind. “You don’t have to agree with everything your spouse says or believes, but you have to be honestly open to considering his or her position,
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- kimLv 76 months ago
It's nice to know how the spouse operates before you marry him. Siblings are a big tell, so is the mom. The first marriage. They tell you stand out things like temper, stubbornness, a range of behaviors etc. Then you dont marry until you know your boundaries, meaning your a grown up with maturity about what you want in life. Pray about your situation is my advice.
- Anonymous6 months ago
You chose to marry an a$$hole, so good luck with that!Source(s): I am a male.
- PatriciaLv 76 months ago
First off, it's not legal in almost every State to smoke in a vehicle with children present.
If he likes loud music why doesn't he get some blue tooth head phones and listen to it with those using a cell phone or something? Same for political news.
And i'm sure he was just the same person before you two got married??
- Coach SimonLv 76 months ago
It seems extraordinary to me that you married someone with whom you seem not to share values and interests, and even having babies with him! It is illegal in some places to smoke in a car with a child for obvious reasons. OF COURSE marriage requires compromise and sacrifice! How old is this guy? He seems very selfish and immature, and you don't really come across as a great example to your child(ren!) for meekly accepting at all. Do you cook for him? Clean for him? Have sex with him (obviously you do)? WHY? He clearly doesn't have any respect for you or your opinions - or for the health of his daughter. Where is the friendship in your marriage? The sharing? Mutual acceptance and respect?
- BOBBERLv 76 months ago
Compromise is a big part of marriage and Most relationships. It sounds to me that it is one sided. Maybe you could hold back something that he wants. Talk to him about it. Good luck
- abcdefLv 76 months ago
You're in a very precarious situation, two young daughters and pregnant with a third child. Your husband is beyond selfish, not thinking of anyone but himself. If you can't get him to go with you to marriage counselling, then you need go yourself. Talk to your doctor about this situation. Being this stressed while pregnant isn't good for you or your unborn child. Certainly smoking in the truck with the two little ones in it might even be against the law - it is in my jurisdiction. You need help. I urge you to get it immediately. This is not a situation that you should be in. Marriage IS about compromise. Compromise really means giving some thought to the other person you live with and supposedly love. Please get help immediately.