Husband threatening to divorce me if I move?
My husband and I live 10 min from his parents house. He’s a huge mommas boy always has been. His entire family was born and raised here they are all within a 30 min drive of us. My family is across the country. The job market her is TERRIBLE. I haven’t been able to find steady full time employment since 2017. Everything here is seasonal or temporary due to our location in a resort town. A majority of people are working 2-3 jobs just to get by. The pay is VERY LOW averaging about 11-12 per hour. My friend is a teacher and after insurance and such she’s only bringing he 1300 per month. I have a Masters Degree in Student Affairs & Higher Education and there are only 2 colleges within a 2 hour radius of our home. I’ve had numerous offers from out of state for very good pay. My husband keeps threatening me that if we move too far from his family he will divorce me. He’s afraid his parents will disown him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like our lives are at a standstill due to my lack of employment. I’m currently working 2 jobs one at a grocery store and a second at a beach store. Any advice I’m starting to fall into a deep depression. I can’t keep living like this.
- SpeedLv 75 months agoBest answer
This is a tough position to be in. He probably sees this as you making him choose between his family and his wife.
Did your marriage vows include the usual "cleave only unto her" line? Most do, in some variation or other. The whole point of that is that the spouse comes first, before one's parents or siblings. He doesn't seem to agree.
Parents who disown an adult child for moving away are narcissistic manipulators. You and he should be free to leave the area in pursuit of jobs suitable to your educations and skills. If he refuses, he's putting them ahead of you, and that's a formula for a bad marriage.
Serious question time:
Is he counting on a sizeable inheritance he'd lose if they really did disown him?
Are there children? Divorce is very hard on them.
Could you manage financially and emotionally if he divorced you?
The answers are none of my business, but I'd be seeking marriage counseling and considering divorcing *him* if I were in your position. I might also consider taking one of those jobs and living on my own, and if he refuses to have a long-distance marriage or to join me, visiting his parents often, like grown-azz men do, then I'd sign divorce papers so long as the terms were not unfavorable.
- a Guy bein a GuyLv 75 months ago
Tell him you are looking for a job where you can find one that pays per your education. If that means moving so be it.
Do it and he will follow or you will start over without him.
Its a simple equation.
- DavidLv 65 months ago
Where's the threat? If you move, you win. If he divorces you because you moved, then YOU WIN AGAIN. The point you are missing is this...
Let's say that your husband decided to move with you to a place where you could get a really good, high-paying job. So Far So Good. But then, his ENTIRE FAMILY decides to move with you, also. So you end up living in another area, but still living close to all his relatives. In that case, you have more money, and you will need it to pay for a good divorce lawyer.
The problem you write about is the mommas boy. You can't fix that. You can divorce that though. He's threatening divorce? Sounds like more of a bribe to me...
- 5 months ago
It sounds like your choices are 1) stay with husband in crappy town and be miserable 2) move somewhere you want to live with better employment with or without husband and be, at least, less miserable. Just pick one.
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- PatriciaLv 75 months ago
Seems like your husband thinks he's married to his mommy, not to you. Mommy's boys are pathetic. I dated one for a few months.... i didn't know he was a mommy's boy at first, but as soon as i saw the total dysfunction in his life, i ran!
- No MercyLv 75 months ago
if i had to choose between having a husband or having a job i would choose HUSBAND. but this is just silly me. u will not bring that much money with your title for a job, u will bring less than a teacher. is that worth it?