I feel like a disappointment?

I'm homeschooled. I'm going on my 2nd yr of homeschool. I have severe depression and am forced to bottle everything up and keep to myself since my family doesnt believe in mental health. Since I cant get help I'm getting worse. For the passed 2 yrs I've gotten all Fs in school because somedays I... show more I'm homeschooled. I'm going on my 2nd yr of homeschool. I have severe depression and am forced to bottle everything up and keep to myself since my family doesnt believe in mental health. Since I cant get help I'm getting worse. For the passed 2 yrs I've gotten all Fs in school because somedays I PHYSICALLY cant get out of bed. I'm so disconnected with reality, nothing feels real, I dont feel real or here. My family and friends laugh when they find out I'm failing homeschool and think I'm lying "How the **** does someone fail HOMESCHOOL?" when I say "I have no motivation..." they think I'm making excuses. I'm so stressed I get sleep paralysis often, I sleep SO much because I like feeling nothing as much as I can. I've tried suicide multiple times and plan on shooting myself when I'm 20 if life doesnt get better. Help?
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