Anger is ALWAYS taken out on someone else.
That is because anger is a response to inner pain or fear or helplessness that we don't want to consciously face and work with.
So we disguise this unease with anger. And then our mind has to find some reason for our anger (some reason OTHER than looking AT our pain) ... and so we find someone to blame. Usually it will be the person we are closest too. Because they are safer than lashing out at a stranger (who might attack us in response).
You cannot make him face his inner feelings. He may not have the courage to do so. And he almost certainly doesn't have the SKILLS to do so.
All you can do is work with your own feelings, and communicate constructively.
Telling him to fix himself, or criticizing him is NOT constructive. That is a "you statement" and this kind of statement is always seen as a threat, alienating the person, making them stop listening to you, and increasing any anger they have.
What you CAN say is how YOU feel when a certain action is done .. as long as there is NO tinge of criticism even implied. This takes a lot of self-awareness, because rather than trying to change them, you are trying to get them to see how the situation feels inside YOU, and you also should include what issues of yours are being triggered and how difficult it is for YOU to deal with your issues. The basic idea is that you are trying to create some empathy for your situation, and you hope they care enough and have the ability also to stop doing what they are doing.
Instead, YOU felt pain, hid it with anger, and then goaded him and provoked even more anger from him.
How very human of you. No one, including ourselves, is perfect. But we need to strive to improve.
We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. And marriages work only when we can change ourselves AND accept our partner as they ARE, flaws and all.
However, some flaws are not acceptable ... abuse, for instance.
But each of us has to understand that conflict threatens relationships, and that it takes 5 equally-strong GOOD things just to balance out ONE negative thing.
So we have to always ask, "Is this the event that I am willing to let the relationship die over?" Because anytime we do not accept, we are risking the death of the relationship.
My advice is to postpone the wedding indefinitely. And sign the two of you up for couple's counselling. And then take 2-3 years to see if changes are permanent.
No sense getting married if it is only to divorce later.
And if he won't go, you have your answer ... no relationship lasts unless both parties are working on it.
As for "respecting you" .. don't make this about you.
HE has problems coping with HIS emotions, and if it wasn't you, it would be someone else.
Until someone can cope with their emotions, they cannot like, respect, or love themselves.
And until someone likes, respects, and loves themselves .. they cannot like, respect of love anyone else either.
So don't make this about you. People who get all hot about not being respected are people who don't respect themselves and/or cannot work with their own pain either.
Understanding this, know that he struggles with the same issues YOU do .. that of feeling whole and okay. Have compassion for your struggles, and have compassion for his struggles too.
But postpone the marriage indefinitely, because the way thing are now, you two will only get divorced.
As for a break, either a couple pulls together and works on things .. or they take a break and that means they CANNOT work as a team ... and WILL divorce.
Any "break" SHOULD be the end of the relationship ... if we have any sense.